*Actually, there’s no exception or note for that statement, just did it in the interest of parallel structure.
He was totally out, passed the limb test and everything. We weren’t taking any chances on that “set him down partially awake” business. That has never worked for us. So, one soundly sleeping baby in my arms was transferred with the utmost of care to his crib. It took all four of our hands and a stepping stool, since I’m too short to have any sort of grace when I try to reach over the crib rail.
He was in the crib, our hands were pulled away, and he was still sleeping. We dared not even whisper of our excitement. We tip-toed out of his room, down the hall some 12 feet to our bedroom and began pulling our own covers up. We didn’t care that it wasn’t even 10:00pm, we were utterly exhausted.
I hadn’t quite situated the comforter properly over myself when I heard it.
OBaby was awake. Already. How long does it take to travel the hallway and slip into bed? 50 seconds? 45?
And so we did it. We let him be in his crib by himself, crying. I simply had nothing left to give him. He cried for just under 30 minutes. During those 30 minutes I was on twitter, desperate for support:
“What do you do when you put a baby down to sleep and he wakes up 45 seconds later? EVERY.TIME.” I tweeted.
“You guys I’m so done with this. I don’t know how to keep my wits about me.” 2 minutes later.
And then the support came. Direct messages from Kelly and Elizabeth and tweets from other ‘been there done that’ moms.
I spent those 30 minutes being grounded in the real world instead of letting my emotions boil over in the stressful situation that is created by exhausted parents and a crying baby in a dark house. Yes, I just said that Twitter helped me connect with the real world. It was a painful 30 minutes, but we all survived. OBaby finally quieted himself and fell asleep.
[Please don't tell me what I 'taught' my son by letting him cry. I don't need to hear it and I know I had nothing left to offer him. I was even feeling dizzy from exhaustion earlier that day.]
So OBaby fell asleep, I thanked my supporters and tried to get some sleep as well.
34 minutes later, cries came from the room down the hall.
I cannot possibly express the frustration. I LET HIM CRY FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. HE CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP. DOESN’T THAT MEAN HE’S GOING TO FREAKING SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP?!
I walked down the hall, controlling my tears all the way, picked up my crying son and brought him to bed with us.
Oh, I have so been there. SO BEEN THERE. When people recommend CIO, they recommend off the textbook baby that cries for five minutes, then falls asleep. I don’t have that baby, and neither do you. I will say this… it does and will get better, it might just take longer than people tell you. Keep trying, and don’t worry about bringing him into your bed if need be.
I am SO.RIGHT.THERE.WITH.YOU!! It’s frustrating…overwhelming..not to mention exhausting. At one point this morning, I looked at my hubby before he went to work and said, “I can’t. I can’t be a mom anymore. I am done.”
It’s hard stuff. What helps me is that when my hubs is home, I escape for a bit, whether or not I get a guilt trip about it. I escape- to the bathroom, somewhere in the house ALONE, even for 5 or 10 minutes. I feel a little more refreshed.
Hang in there Allison! This is my 3rd son and I can tell you, IT DOES GET BETTER! (I am also going to keep telling myself that!;))
Again, with our babies the same age, we are right in the thick of sleep training, too. We followed the Baby Whisperer advice very carefully (it seemed like a good mix of being stern yet loving) and it actually worked. He was napping, he was sleeping 10 hours, and we could put him down and he would quiet himself. We had worked really hard and there had been a lot of crying. But man we were feeling good.
BUT THEN…he outgrew his bassinet so we moved him into a crib in his own room this weekend and it feels like most of our work has been undone. I just spent two hours trying to get him to nap (after spending much of the night trying to get him to sleep) and I just can’t take it anymore. So we are going to do CIO, I just need to read up on how it’s done. A friend shared this essay with me and I really identified with it. I think you might enjoy it, too. Good luck!!
Just because you let him cry it out once doesn’t mean that it will solve the problem… it takes lots of time for them to learn to self sooth, and in time he will do better! It is best to do what makes you feel right…not what everyone else tells you is right. As OBaby’s mommy-only you know what best suits him! Keep up the good work and just remember, it will get better!
Oh honey! I feel for you. Every mother who’s had an infant can certainly relate. I hope he grows out of it quickly, and even if he doesn’t soon – he will. I hope you find some comefort in that. I wish I had some advice for you, but all babies are different and you know your baby better then anybody. You’ll find the right pattern that works for you and him.
God Bless,
Michelle
Well.
Just so you know, Teyla fell asleep after crying for 30 minutes last night (and I was in the room the whole time, but I was ignoring her and it was dark so she wasn’t happy). That was when we were Twittering. Like you, I went to bed semi-satisfied that AT LEAST she fell asleep by herself in her own bed.
At 3:00 AM, she woke up crying. I went in, gave her a hug, laid her back down. She wanted me to rub her tummy, so I did (wearily, I might add). Twenty minutes later, she was deep-breathing and done twitching. I got up to leave the room. (I have a chair pulled up right next to her crib for the middle-of-the-night rendezvous.) She IMMEDIATELY sat up and started crying again. I went over, gave her another hug, laid her back down then left the room. She cried for 10 minutes, and then went to sleep. I was just falling to sleep myself in my own bed when she woke up crying again (4:00 AM now). I went in, gave her a hug and left. She screamed. Fifteen minutes later, I went in for another hug. She cried again, on and off, for another 30 minutes. By this time, it was close to 5:00. I knew the older kids and Corey weren’t sleeping. So I caved and brought her back to bed with us, where she promptly fell asleep and slept until almost 8:00 AM.
Sigh. Just so you know. You ARE NOT alone. And Teyla is 22 months old. I know she’ll eventually get it. My older kids did, and they had these same struggles. But these early years are the very definition of frustrating.
(Sorry for the Longest Comment Ever.)
Wow, I almost cried reading this!!! :’[ I know that 99.9% of moms can relate. I’m, um, not a mom (yet) but I do have two nephews. And I know my sister has experienced this! I know that my nephews slept in a little fancy seat thing that keeps them all bunched up, so they don’t feel like they’re stretched out at all. I doubt that made any sense..
I’m really sorry that you’re getting no sleep and that OBaby hates his crib :\ But just know that you are a fantastic, wonderful mommy. The perfect mommy for OBaby, and he’s one lucky babe to have you!! :)
I agree with Jen. I think it will take a few more nights of letting him cry it out, and then maybe he’ll get the idea that mommy wants him to sleep. Maybe. Hopefully! I’m so sorry :[
Hi, Allison! I read your blog all the time and love it! We miss you guys!!
We did do Babywise with Sam and he slept through the night at 10 weeks. So, naturally, we TRIED Babywise with Will and have learned that he’s not such a fan. He’s just about 5 months and still not sleeping through the night. I have recently been advised to read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. I found a website related to that book that gave some good advice http://www.familysleep.com. Basically, I got from it, find a schedule that works for you and STICK with it. That’s where we’ve gone wrong. We’ve been too flexible b/c Sam always went w/ the flow. But I think Will needs the security of a regular schedule. I’m trying the 7, 10, 1, 4, 7 schedule. Feed him at those intervals, keep him awake for 1.5 hours, then down for naps for 1.5 hours. He does not always nap that long, but I don’t get him until an hour has passed even if he wakes up in between. He will fall back asleep even if he’s up for 15 minutes. After the 7 pm feeding, we try to get him changed and in bed by 8. Then he’ll wake up around 11ish. I’m usually sleeping already, but I do get up and feed him at this point. After that, I’ve decided that in the 11 PM to 5 AM window I am NOT getting him. I KNOW he can make it 6 hours between feedings overnight. He’s proved it. So, some nights he’ll go the stretch w/o a peep and some nights (like last night) he’ll be up 3 times crying for 10 to 20 minutes per time. Ever since I’ve made that not-getting-him resolution, I’ve had less anxiety during the crying times. This is hard stuff. The first couple of nights I thought I was going to get an ulcer.
For me, it seems like a good idea to be able to put Will down while awake so that he can learn to fall asleep on his own. Will has pretty much figured this out, w/ an occasional 5-10 min cry (in the beginning it used to be longer).
The thing I hold onto is that babies NEED their sleep. So, for instance, when he wakes up early from a nap, I just remember “okay, buddy, you still need more sleep, you’re not ready to be up yet.” It just gives me confidence when making the tough decisions. In the long run I feel like it’s better for him to learn the skill of self soothing. If I were to get him every time he cries I would never get the rest that I need and I would be no good to anyone.
Obviously, I don’t have all of the answers b/c here we are at 5 months and still not sleeping through the night. BUT, my own anxiety level has really simmered down since making some of these mental adjustments.
I have now trumped the Longest Comment Ever…..sorry:-)
Oh Allison – I went through this exact same thing. I felt like Kennedy had some interior thing (?) that woke her up every 30 minutes on the dot. I remember looking at her through tears and thinking – if I am this exhausted and you are such a young baby how can you not be exhausted. I think they are exhausted and they just can’t figure it out. I went months up on months of doing exactly what you are doing and then I hit a wall where I just couldn’t keep doing it ANYMORE. I had read happiest baby on the block, I read baby wise, I read pretty much every sleep training guide I could get my hands on but nothing we did worked – it was, well – HELL! I finally caved and followed my pediatrician and fellow mom group members (at church) advice and did my own version of CIO. I knew where my limits were and during that “training” if you will my limits were tested like no other time in my life thus far. I COULD not listen to her cry though. I had to set a timer (cell phone, alarm, whatever those first few weeks and walk outside or turn on a noise machine in our room to drown it out because I just couldn’t do it). Whenever I would go in (whatever time intervals work for you) I would reassure her and let her know she was ok. I tried not to pick her up and I would walk back out and it was AWFUL but each night got better and I knew when I left her SHE WAS OK. It did help her learn how to self sooth which was something I had not let her learn prior to that. She was in our bed – on my breast or with my hand holding in her paci and she simply didn’t know how to fall asleep without me (rocking, humming, and lulling her into sleep). I realized we were creating a viscious cycle unknowingly and that is why after swaring I never would – let her CIO. I honestly think regardless of our efforts as parents – some kids naturally are “sleepers” and some aren’t. Mine is not a “sleeper” but she did get on a predictable schedule and she does sleep through the night – hallelujah. O’Baby will too – I think some of it they do on their own but I do think the more we cater in our efforts not to “hurt them or neglect them, or whatever the case may be” we enable them to not sleep by not letting them “figure it out” without us. Does that make sense? Regardless though – you need your sleep whether it be co-sleeping, bassinett sleeping, crib sleeping – whatever. I am a firm believer that all things can be undone and so regardless of how you handle him each night – don’t worry that you are creating something that can’t be changed. Do what you need to do in order to wake up the next morning and be mommy. If that means CIO – do it. If that means – falling asleep next to him while he nurses – do it. I agree with everyone that ultimately you must do what will work for you and not worry what everyone has to say about it, you know? It does get better/easier and it will get better – you just keep your head up. Don’t be discouraged. I remember just feeling utterly hopeless that things would ever change. I remember crying to my Mom that she may not sleep until she was 5 and how would I ever have another child and still function, etc. etc. It got better. I am just thankful that you have all these really open and organic comments to read because when this was going on at my house and I would talk to others (besides at church where they just loved on me regardless) most people acted like I had 5 heads and that made it harder. Here are all these women saying “me too”. It’
s awesome!
Just to update…I let my baby “cry it out” for his next nap just now. I went in after 5 min. to comfort him, then waited another 10 min. and went in. I would have gone in after 15 min. but he fell asleep (!!). I thought breastfeeding was the hardest part of parenting but now I think listening to your baby cry when he should be sleeping tops my list.
Oh, man. I can feel your frustration. Many other commenters have said this, but it’s just so true — it WILL get better. When I was in this stage with my daughters, I’d stare out the window at the neighbor kids playing and riding their bikes, and I’d gain some perspective on how entrenched I was in all the crying/not sleeping. Babies do grow up and out of this phase. Doesn’t make it any easier in the meantime, though! I’m wishing you all kinds of sleepy luck right now :)
Also, what a cute blog you have!
we have the same problem with Joshua for naps. i’ve been wearing him for naps and that works out fine, but one day i decided to see if he would sleep in his crib so i could get more stuff done. he cried for 2 hours straight regardless of what i did to try to soothe him (except put him back in the wrap). sigh. babies’ cries are the saddest sound in the world! i have no idea how to get him to nap in his crib. does OBaby nap in his crib or with you?
You have got to do whatever works!! Sleep is such a difficult thing, all around! We’ve tried everything with our kids, and Fynn finally grew into being a good sleeper, but Paige… ugh… she’s still not, and she’s 15 months, but I know it has to be right around the corner!
You’ll get there, and he’ll get there, and it will be lovely :) Just hang in there, I know it’s difficult, whatever you decide to do. You’re his mama for a reason after all ;)