I don’t remember what day it was, or even what month, but I do know it was sometime during the dark, cold winter of 2009. The snow and the ice heaped their weight on top of my already unbearable load of new motherhood. It got dark early, both outside and in my heart. The date [...]
Archive for the ‘PPD’ Category
Friday, September 2, 2011
30 unfalling the sky
{photo credit} There’s this thing that happens when my postpartum depression hits: The sky starts falling. I’m not a perfect mother and most days I can laugh about that, about the cookie my son found on the counter and I let him eat despite the fact that it was 8:00am. About the drawer of my [...]
Friday, July 29, 2011
40 a story of regret and redemption
It’s midnight or 2 am or maybe 3, I don’t know. All I know is this is ridiculous. I look down at my first born son, mere weeks, months old, crying and flailing, latching and unlatching, and I groan out a sigh. Loud and heavy I sigh and I hope the air leaving my lungs [...]
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
39 on triggers and the continuum of better
Most days I think about my postpartum depression and anxiety maybe twice. Both of them usually in relation to this sweet baby and how I will not let myself go without help again if my depression flares up after he is born. They are fleeting thoughts, but they are thoughts I need to have to [...]
