Never in my life have I felt like God has said “no.” to my plans more loudly or more profoundly.
Plan 1: I absolutely love children – playing with them, talking to them, teaching them. So I go into the field of elementary education, get a degree and a certification for teaching grades K-8 and dream of having my own classroom. My student teaching experience was great in many respects, but the overwhelming feeling I had when I finished was that I cannot allow myself to have a career that pulls me mentally and physically away from home to the extent that teaching does. I was exhausted, over-committed and emotionally unavailable. I know that I am not called to pour myself fully into something to the neglect of all other (and higher) priorities. I don’t know what I will be doing in the fall for a career, but I do know that I am afraid of what would happen to me if I take a full-time teaching position.
Plan 2: Last year I went to Salt Lake City for spring break to meet with friends and dialogue with them about theology and what God is doing in our generation. I made some wonderful friendships that continue today, and I got the chance to go back in October to see many of the people out there that I love. It was full steam ahead for spring break this year, and I am even on the planning committee of the Utah trip (among others). Then, because not enough students signed up to go on the trip, it got canceled. I felt as though I had been buried under a ton of bricks. My heart is in SLC and my passion for what is happening there is HUGE. I know that I don’t understand how the Lord is working in this and through this. It just seems like a grand disappointment to me.
Plan 3: Dan-Dan the Doctor man… probably won’t be going to medical school in the fall. He did not get into his #1 choice school, and of the 3 where he still has the possibility of getting in, he’s really only willing to attend one of them. What a roller coaster ride of acceptance and rejection letters. I am learning how to support him and encourage him through this, all the while knowing that he will have to make some difficult decisions soon. It’s hard to plan your future when everything you’ve planned on up until this point has fallen though.
One huge reassuring factor is that I trust Dan and I believe in him, knowing that he is so incredibly talented and will be successful at things for which he as a passion, and if he isn’t, I’m along for the ride anyway.
But our greatest assurance is this: Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
No matter how hard we try, we cannot figure out what our future holds (heck, we don’t even know where we’re moving when our lease is up in >3 months). However, we do know that the God that is deserving of all glory and honor today will still be so in our future. If in 5 months we are at a place in life that is entirely inconceivable to us now, we will be there with the purpose of giving glory to our Father, regardless of action or location.