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like which there is no place

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Good morning, Dr. Blogtherapy. I need to make an appointment. How much do you charge an hour?

Free?

Perfect.

Today DanO and I did not carpool (sorry, Obama!) so that he could make it to an appointment right after work. This left me at the house this morning, taking my time to dry my hair, snuggle with my puppy, and generally wish that I didn’t have to leave.

I am not a homebody, but I feel called to be home.

It wasn’t that I wanted to go back to bed or mope around in my sweats whatever I can find to wear that still fits me. I wanted to do things, like, really important things.

I heard the buzzer on the dryer make its “Your clothes will be ready in 10 minutes” announcement and I desperately wanted to stay for those 10 minutes and take the time to put away those clothes so that DanO wouldn’t have to do it later. I wanted to empty the dishwasher so that when DanO gets home from work and goes to eat a bowl of granola (because I’ve turned him all healthy like that) he doesn’t have to open the cupboard to see no clean bowls and then go to the dishwasher to find one. I wanted to take those 3 things I’ve been meaning to return to Target back and put that money back in our account. I wanted to buy new contact paper for Nugget’s dresser and install it so that I could continue to prepare a place for him.

Ok, so laundry, dishes, errands and contact paper don’t exactly sound like the Pope’s work, but they are calling to me.

“What do you know, Allison… I can hear my laundry and dishes calling your name too. Hear that? They’re saying ‘when can you come over?’.”

No, really. I’m not pretending that everyone doesn’t have a laundry list (yep, I said it) of things they could accomplish around their house if they just had the time or someone to outsource it to; I know it’s a constraint we all feel. But to me it feels like more than a list of chores to complete or tasks to check off because they simply must be done to survive. To me doing these things feels like accomplishing something valuable in a way I cannot do elsewhere.

Some days I leave work feeling empty, even when I did a whole lot during the work day. I analyzed data and wrote process documents and even found ways to consolidate my team’s efforts to be more effective, but I don’t feel like I really did much. On those days, coming home and making dinner feels far more satisfying than all of my excel pivot tables of last week’s billable client hours sorted by task put together.

In other words, to me: tacos on the table > data in a table

Finally, I did leave my house this morning with little tears growing in my eyes. I can’t call it my crying fit of the week, since I already used that card on Wednesday and this morning’s was not nearly as dramatic or unwarranted as that was. This was a deep, welling up from inside me cry. A ‘this is something I yearn for but can’t have right now’ cry.

Whatever you do, Dr. Blogtherapy, please don’t see this as a ‘pity-me’ post. I am so SO thankful for a job full of doing things I am good at in an office where I feel valued, and frankly, getting a paycheck ain’t bad. I just wanted to be transparent about how I was feeling this morning because hey, you’re free, and this chaise lounge office chair is nice and comfortable.

Thanks so much, I feel better already. Same time next week?

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