*for our family (in the interest of political correctness)
How do you do it? You, you wonderful, lovely reader whose blood boiled upon reading the title of this post. HOW DO YOU DO IT?!
“Them’s fighting words, AllisonO”
I know but it is such a mystery to me how people do this every night and like it. I am fully, even regretfully, aware of the studies and their claims about the greater good that is co-sleeping. I know what it does for secure attachment, I know the benefits of night time nursing, I read about the long term effects of a safe and cuddly sleep environment for baby.
But no one told me about the jabbing. All night. Jabbing. The tiniest, cutest, adorablest hands and feet, but jabbing nonetheless.
I feel like none of the studies mentioned that. Even still I’ve never heard the slightest whisper of how annoying it can be to co-sleep. Is it illegal to let on about these things? Am I breaking some attachment parenting blogosphere protocol? Well, too bad, because I wish someone had told me that maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be as cuddly and lovable as everyone has made it out to be.
First of all, we are recovering co-sleepers who have gotten back into the habit given OBaby’s recent sleeping patterns (or lack thereof). He was in our bed as a new born for about the first 4 weeks. He was in his own little ‘nest’ on our bed and it all went pretty well. Then, we discovered that he actually slept miraculously long and well in his crib (where there’s no soft ‘bottle’ to turn to every 3 hours, subsequently waking up Mrs. Bottle every. three. hours.). So, OBaby slept exclusively in his crib from 4 weeks old to 3 months old, snug as a bug in a rug, with very, very few hiccups.
And then. There’s always one of those in parenting, isn’t there? An “and then”. Like the time I announced to the world that OBaby isn’t a spitter-upper “and then” he barfed ounces upon ounces of my own hard earned milk right back onto my outfit? Yes, I have come to know and love the “and then”s.
And then OBaby decided he didn’t know how to sleep anymore. A teeny tiny poke up of a tooth compounded with learning to roll over compounded with the time change compounded with WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?! Is the feeling of his hair growing just too much to sleep through?!
DanO and I were at a loss and so help me if I was going to get out of bed 5 times a night. So, for the last two weeks? maybe three? we have had OBaby (almost) exclusively sleep in our bed. This is what I have discovered. When I say that these are the reasons that co-sleeping sucks for us, I know whereof I speak.
1. THE JABBING
2. The ‘let’s pretend my breasts aren’t actually here because you’re not getting them right now so stop rooting.’
3. The clicking, snoring, sighing and cooing noises that I am physically incapable of sleeping over
4. The ‘whatever you do, DON’T MOVE.’
5. The ‘I set him down in the middle, but somehow, now I only have 8 inches of space between me and the edge.’
6.The queen bed + the 6 foot 2 husband + baby who sleeps with his arms outstretched
7. The ‘I can’t sleep anymore but I dare not get out of bed to blog because someone would magically wake up.’
8. The ‘I don’t want to sleep in Daddy’s arms though, Mommy. ONLY IN YOURS.’
9. The sweaty radiator of a baby clinging to me, making me a sweaty radiator of a woman
10. The baby that is, quite literally, getting between my husband and me in bed
I officially grant 20 points and an honorary ‘O My, You Rock!’ award to the families out there who can overcome this list for the sake of the greater good because I sure as heck cannot, regardless of how flippin’ cute this little one is when he sleeps.