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in which I make a private matter public

I would like to open the following can of worms:

Sibling spacing.

It is the topic of conversation around here, and there’s something of a debate in DanO and my heads and hearts right now. Every date night we have had has contained at least 20 minutes off throwing around hypotheticals. We want more, O BOY do we want more children, but I think we had this vision in our head of how our family would be spaced before we started our family. (By ‘before we started our family’ I mean before an infant rocked our freaking worlds.) You know?

Sure, there’s no such thing as being prepared for having a baby, but it is a little easier to be unprepared for something you’ve never experienced before, which is not the case this time around. Last time it was “O, forget birth control! BABIES ARE CUTE,” (Ok, there was a little more to it than that.) but this time we find ourselves considering about 800 variables, including but not limited to sibling dynamics, the remodeling of our upstairs, potential cousins, school grade spacing, and my ability to run after OToddler while looking something like this.

TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE that could run through sibling spacing scenarios until they are blue (or pink? Will it be pink next??) in the face and be no closer to a decision than I was when I began.

I know it takes 9 months to cook a baby, but start doing the math on our “ideal” spacing (2 years? A little more? A little less?) and suddenly I need to be pregnant THIS SUMMER. Heaven help me.

But maybe that wouldn’t be so bad?

Also, let’s add to it the factor of not actually being in full control of the spacing. We could shoot for a certain spacing and have it take much longer than we expect. (“Shoot for something?” How’s that for a euphemism? (Hi Dad!)).

Two years?

Three years?

But what if we choose three and get four years?

Will they be as distant as my older brother and me were growing up?

If they’re less than 2 years apart, will they be as close as DanO and OBrother (his 19 mo younger brother)?

Would I be able to survive a less than 2 year gap?

And what if our next one has three eyeballs??

::bangs head against keyboard::

71 Responses to “in which I make a private matter public”

  1. Heather of the EO

    Maybe it’s narcissistic, but I love it when I read people’s brains and find they mirror mine. This is totally how I think.

    You know, too much.

    You know, I think you can’t go wrong. I mean, you COULD, but then it would be made right again. Pretty much every family I know is different. And almost every one of them thinks they did it the best way. Small gap, big gap, medium gap…..they think it’s best because it’s all they know.

    But I do think you can know when it’s just NOT the right time to add more to your plate. Your gut tells you that if you stop to listen. If you’re just kinda on the fence or excited to have more most of the time, then I think you can’t go wrong.

    But what I think is pretty much not important to your decision.

    The End.

    (xoxoxo)

    Reply
    • AllisonO

      I actually thought of you as I was writing this, trying to “figure out what I think.” I think you and Erin are right: I’ll know when I know and no amount of thinking or hypotheticals will convince me before that.

      It just feels like something that I have so much control over (but so little at the same time) that I ought to come to a thoughtful decision about it. I’m begining to think that, like so many things, it is more a matter of the heart than the head to decide.

      Reply
  2. Jen Martinson

    Our first three are 2 yrs or less apart…it is busy but they are pals…our 3rd & 4th are nearly 7 years apart…and it works! You won’t regret it either way!

    Reply
  3. Ann

    ditto–my sister and I were 6 years apart an not close until we were both adults. We think about this alot–when will we be ready, when will the little one best be able to cope, can we afford it financially. ugh–now I want ice cream

    Reply
  4. EMC

    I don’t even have one yet and I think about this all the time. Actually I thought about it for the potential first one because just because I decide I want to have a baby in the next year doesnt mean it will actually happen.

    My brother and I are six years apart… because my mom had three miscarriages between us. I guess it goes to show that some things cannot be planned.

    Reply
  5. Mama23Bears

    i will tell you our spacing. we have an almost 10 year old (bday is march 5th) an almost 6 year old (bday is febuary 25th) and an almost 4 month old (bday oct. 23rd). i personally always wanted my kids closer, more like 2-3 years but i will tell you that my girls are the best of friends. really. i am amazed by how close they are. and even when # 2 was born, i was so thankful that i had a little helper instead of another in diapers. now, i have 2 great helpers and my little guy is the prince of the universe around here. having the spacing allowed each child the time to get to be a baby and then be the big sister. it also gave us time to hold the baby and not have to chase a toddler. i think some may say that it is way too much space (since they have said this to me) but i think it worked for us and is great. just enjoying all the baby time with that one baby. just my little opinion here but i love the reaction i get when i say 4 years is great!!

    Reply
  6. Caroline @ The Feminist Housewife

    I am SO obsessed with our child spacing! My husband is about to kill me because I just won’t stop talking about it! In my opinion (after thousands of hours of reflection) I think that two years apart is “perfect” (haha!) But, I’m not sure that I’ll be ready to get pregnant when he’s just over a year old! So who knows what’s going to happen.

    Good luck with the decision! I can so relate!

    Reply
    • AllisonO

      I know, right? Pregnant again?! It feels like I will be pregnant and/or nursing for.ev.er.

      Reply
      • Elizabeth

        hey, if you’re pregnant or nursing forever, that means you get to eat more forever too. :)

        Reply
  7. Emmie bee

    Well, I think I would be in your boat had I not had my surprise
    pregnancy. Hudson is January 20 and the twins? Making their debut 13 months and 11 days later. It’s not at all what I would have planned- and three under 2 sounds so daunting. But, as they say- you will never be ready. So if u wait till your ready you may wait forever. It’s sometimes a chance thing as much as a plan. And to be honest, with a bit of help, chasing a walker while 9 months w/ twins isn’t that bad. I’ve made it further than a lot of first time moms of twins- even with all the added stress if parenting at the same time.

    Reply
    • AllisonO

      Maybe we should hope for that, that it would just be completely out of our control. Otherwise I feel like I will go INSANE before actually coming to a conclusion.

      Reply
  8. simplicity

    My sisters and I were 6 yrs apart (i’m the middle)
    And though our family, Ty and Maddy are 2 yrs apart but then there is 5 yrs between Maddy and Henry. And then 2 1/2 between Henry and Evie.

    Reply
  9. Desiree

    Me and my hubby talk about this almost everyday, and we have a perfect plan, but will it work? Probably not, it’s a tough call, I want more, but I don’t want 2 under 2.

    Reply
  10. Mama23Bears

    oh and now that i see other comments, Heather of the EO hit the nail on the head! i 2nd her statement! (even though i already divulged my opinion) ;)

    Reply
  11. Jen @ Recovering Procrastinator

    In my limited experience, I think it is ideal is for them to be two or three grade levels apart, regardless of actual age difference. So consider where in the school year they are born too.

    My sister and I were 1 grade level apart and it was just too close. We weren’t really friends until I went to college.

    My first two are just over two years apart and will be two grade levels apart when No. 2 starts preK in the fall. The next two are three years (to the day) apart.

    Reply
    • AllisonO

      Yup! We’re considering that, too. Since OBaby is a July baby, he will be young for his grade and they could be 2 grades apart and as little as 1yr2mo apart in age. Only they won’t be, because I’m not presently 2 mo. pregnant. I think.

      Reply
  12. rebecca d

    The girlies are three years apart and that works for us. I wanted three years so I’d be guaranteed to only have one in diapers at a time, because emotionally and economically I couldn’t handle two in diapers. It has worked pretty well for us. I was close growing with my brother who is two years older them me, but the next closest sibling was 7 1/2 years older and we were never really close… we love each other but he was like the youngest in the generation before my brother and I. I’m the youngest of 7 but my oldest sister is almost 20 years older the me, so it’s like we were in different families.

    Reply
  13. Tasha

    I have 3 children
    Hannah 9.5
    Alanna 4
    Ben 19 months.

    There is 5.5 yrs between my girls and they sometimes get along and sometimes they fight.
    There is 2 yrs 9 months between my middle and youngest and that was hard. Alanna needs a lot of attention and chasing after a toddler is rough some days. I always thought 2 yrs apart would be good, it didn’t work that way and I think we are doing okay!

    Reply
  14. MomBabe

    Are you ready to die? The spacing for my four:

    364 days.

    17 months.

    12 months.

    Also? I am done done done.

    It’s a LOT of fun, it’s just crazy. But like everyone else has said, you can plan all you want, but sometimes, it’s just not up to you.

    Reply
    • AllisonO

      Exactly. I feel like I could (am) plan[ning] until I’m blue in the face and still not actually have say in the matter. Alas, I wrack my brain anyway. Women.

      Reply
  15. Elizabeth

    We’re shooting for 3 years. The Montessori school method thinks 3 years is the optimal spacing to allow each kid to develop before adding a new one. adam and his brothers are each about 3 years apart, and they really enjoyed it. now if you want a lot of kids, maybe 2 years is a better idea since after 30, 90% of your eggs are gone (i read that in an article recently). but i have a few friends who got pregnant when their baby was less than 1, and they love it. so whatever you and Dan feel is right, i say, go for it! you make beautiful babies after all!

    Reply
    • AllisonO

      Ha! As if personal preference wasn’t enough, there are theories to take into consideration! I feel even more daunted now :).

      Reply
  16. annemarie

    Oh, the questions! I very much want at-least-three-year spaced babies, but the man has a brother fifteen months younger, and he loved it, but that means preggers NOW, and then I freak out and become incoherent. So this run on sentence is here to tell you I understand the crazy! Good luck.

    Reply
  17. Honey B.

    I have three sisters- and the day my youngest sister was born, the older three were 5, 10, and 20! My Mom referred to the 80’s as the decade of diapers, and keeps telling me Have your kids closer- its crazy, but its worth it!

    Marmot and I have talked about having two kids, and having the second one when the first is around two. Of course I say we’ve talked, but we do not have any kids….still working on the Baby Bucket List, so we’ll probably be starting with #1 next year!

    Reply
  18. Amanda

    I could have written this post and my answer is:

    I STILL DON’T KNOW!!!

    Emily is now 3 1/2 years old and I can’t fathom trying for another baby right now because life is SOOOOOOOOOOO good, I just don’t want to “start all over again”. And I once was the girl that said she wanted 4 kids under age 5! Insanity.

    Reply
  19. melissa

    your blog and thought processes are so cute! i almost feel like i am having this conversation with you! my husband and i have been throwing around the same senarios recently except i have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. but if i want the next to be 2 years apart i would need to be pregnant by the end of this year…talk about scary!!! at some point you just have to go for it…or shoot for it to use your phrasing and it all tends to work itself out (maybe a few gray hairs mixed in)….but you’ll be fine!!!

    Reply
  20. Stephanie

    I’m laughing at how you are over analyzing…because that’s EXACTLY how my hubby is. It drives me CRAZY! And, yet, I tend to worry a lot, which sometimes sounds quite the same. ;) Either way, it’s all God’s timing. As an engineer, I think my hubby likes things to be more clear and set in stone, but, when it comes to children, I’ve realized that no matter how much we plan, He’s the one who is ultimately in control of that plan. Our first was unplanned, but, if you ask my hubby, it was all my fault (to which I keep reminding him that it “takes two to tango”!) Our son was planned – in that, we decided in January to start really trying and after the FIRST try, our son came to be. We are planning to wait until A is at least 1 to think about 3 and 4, because we’d like to have the next two close together as well…but, as much as I plan, who knows what God has in store!

    Reply
  21. shelley

    Mine are just over 3 apart. I had a rough 1st delivery and year long recovery. I wasn’t able to even think about having them closer together. I wasn’t mentally ready. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed my 3 special years with my oldest.

    He had a rough adjustment after our second was born, but now (14 months in) things are great.

    I think sibling closeness can happen at any age (though, of course, I’ve worried out it too!). There’s no right answer. But it is fun to ponder and re-ponder. We’re moms, we’re over-thinkers — it’s what we do! =)

    Reply
  22. Elaine

    My kids are 3 yrs. and then 2.5 yrs apart and I think that’s about the perfect spacing. IMHO. Whichever way it works out I’m sure it will be perfect for your family!

    Reply
  23. Caroline

    What Amanda said about life being sooo good…

    That is exactly what I’m afraid will happen. That if I wait until my son is 3 + that I won’t want to go back!!! But, then again, do I really want to get pregnant this summer/fall? HECK NO.

    …now I’m obsessing even more. And don’t have any more answers.

    Hopefully a wise bird will share their infinite and perfect wisdom with all of us and give us an answer! any takers?

    Great post (so great I had to comment twice).

    Reply
  24. Krista

    My little girl is only 4.5 months old & I while I think about this all the time my husband thinks we should just “let it happen whenever” but like you I analyze everything – I think about not wanting to be pregnant when we go to Mexico, not wanting another baby born during football secoason (he’s a HS coach), the impact it will have on my job, our finances, child care…. but then I think that i want them close & it took us 7 months last time so….. your guess is as good as mine.

    Reply
  25. Shanna - My Favorite Everything

    There is no perfect answer. In about 2 weeks I will have our 3rd child, she will be our third under 2 years old…Yes my oldes turns 2 March 14th, my second turned 1 this past tues and our 3rd is due 3/9. It is HARD not 2 ways about it, but right about now my almost 2 and 1 yr old are so cute playing together, that I think back over how HARD this last year has been and its more of a blur now. I’m sure the next year will be just as, if not HARDER, but in the grand scheme, you’re given what you can handle and something tells me you can handle more than you think! Good luck!!

    Reply
  26. the mrs

    My oldest are 22 mths apart and it was a nice spacing, a little crazy, well it still is, but nice. We not only had the spacing debate but the when to have them debate, when is a deployment probably going to be, is it better to be pregnant alone or have a small one alone, fun stuff…. but all in all, it worked out.. it always does. good luck!

    Reply
  27. Erin

    I’m just going to say that you’ll know. We knew when it was right for us to get pregnant with Tommy, because we just looked at each other and said, Okay, in nine months, we can see a baby in our house.

    Reply
  28. Liz

    Welcome to my world. I could write this – with a too small apartment and a fledging husband’s business and a baby who is turning one!

    No answers but yes, I think about it, a LOT.

    Reply
  29. Kathy

    Our first 1 & 2, & 2 & 3 are exactly 2 years and 8 months (almost done to the exact date, give or take a few
    Days). which for the most part was planned out (well 1 & 2 were planned pregnancies, 3 was a
    little bit of a surprise but it was in our thoughts) 3 & 4 will be 1 year and 9 months apart (totally
    not planned at all).

    Reply
  30. Vanessa

    I agree with the other commenter who said that there is no perfect answer.
    My sister and I are 22 months apart. We have (almost) always been close and I love her.
    My two boys are 21 months apart and I can only pray that they will end up being best of friends.
    Every person is different and every child is different (as in, some women are laid back, some are high strung. Some have high capacity, some don’t. Some kids are colicky – eep! and some are SOOOO chillllll). Some women can really handle close spacing. I think you can tell a lot about what you can and can’t handle by how you are handling #1. Sure you’re a first time Mom, but you’re also still YOU.
    I find peace in God’s sovereignty and perfect plan for our family. It’s a good place to find yourself at the end of the day. :)

    Reply
  31. abby

    My brothers were 2 years apart almost exactly and the younger one skipped a grade so they were only one year apart in school. I think i’d like to have kids close together like that so that they can grow up as best friends. It seems like if it’s more than 2 years, you don’t have as much of the close friendship thing. I wouldn’t really know from experience since I’m 12 years younger than both of my brothers:)

    Reply
  32. sarah

    Can you picture Micah worm crawling towards his much adored baby brother or sister? Presh. If that isn’t enough to make you ovulate RIGHT NOW, I don’t know what will do the trick for you.

    Reply
  33. Hyacynth

    We talked and talked and talked (and talked, if that wasn’t clear) about sibling spacing. We finally decided 2.5 years would be perfect. And then we got pregnant, and the boys are only two years apart. And honestly, it’s been brilliant. We couldn’t have planned for this type of dynamic — God knew best. He gave us a baby before the time we had deemed “perfect.”
    I really think personality has more to do with sibling dynamics than spacing. One thing is clear, though, no matter the spacing — Obaby 2 will be really cute!

    Reply
  34. Michelle

    Ok, without reading through all the other wonderful advice and comments you’ve received so far, I’ll just you my experience growing up.

    I had 3 siblings, so there was a total of 4 kids in the house. We were all born within a 5 year time span. Growing up there was not a lot of comraderie (sp) between the 4 of us, but that wasn’t really fostered in us either. Now that I’m an adult, I’m still not that close to my siblings and my siblings aren’t close with me or eachother. I think it’s all in how you raise them and what values you instill in them. (This is the part that scares me, cause just how exactly are we suppose to do that?!) I now have my 2 boys and they are 5 years apart, but you couldn’t find 2 boys who love and care for eachother more then them. I love how they get along and I think they will continue to be close as they grow up.

    Regardless though, you are a good mom and DanO is a good dad. No matter how much spacing between kids there is, you’ll be able to foster that kind of relationship that will last a lifetime.

    Reply
  35. Amanda

    I was like you, I wanted my kids at least two years apart if not more. However….I am now pregnant with my fourth and my oldest is only four (will be barely five when baby is due). No matter how much you plan, sometimes God has bigger and better plans. And, even if you think you can’t survive close spacing (like I thought), if that’s how it happens, you will be okay, and you may even be “crazy” enough to intentionally space any other siblings close together as well (our biggest gap is 22 months:)

    Reply
  36. Terri

    My sister had 4 babies in 6 years (can you say CHAOS?), but she loves it. However, we are shooting for a 2-3 year spacing between our first and second (first is now 9 months old). I’m told by people with more than one baby that after #2 (or #3, #4, etc) are born, the older sibling(s) watches a lot of TV and movies for the first couple of months after the baby is born. Ideally I want to limit TV watching for our kids, but you gotta do what you gotta do to survive!

    So we will be starting to try again this fall for #2, but I am still breastfeeding #1, which makes me wonder if my body will ever feel like my body again (and not a body belonging to my children)???

    Reply
  37. Amanda

    We’re right there with you!! Our son is now 1.5, and we’re starting to think about #2… it’s a scary thought, when you sometimes feel like you can barely handle one! I actually posted on this topic on my blog about a minute ago, if you’d like some encouragement! (www.alreadyinhishand.blogspot.com) God has definitely been softening my heart to trust His wisdom more than my own.

    Reply
  38. Beana

    OFriend, there is no right answer to this question. Only “by the grace of God I go!”
    My first two are 3 years apart, and that was really great–especially because I work 3-4 days a week. It was wonderful to have a potty-trained, fully conversational older sibling. I was pleasantly surprised at how close they are–even with 3yrs between them. The middle and last are 22 months apart. That was a surprise to us :) It was crazy. I still had a baby…and I was growing a new baby. I was a bit sad that my middle daughter lost out a bit on her “babyhood.” But–oh how she loves her baby sister! And I can tell these two will be the closest of friends. It’s been challenging at times having them close, but you just get through it. Just wait…the next phase is making that decision to end the babymaking and how to go about that and struggling with the “what if I want a baby in 5yrs, but I don’t want to worry about birth control anymore”. Thank God for God. He’s smart! And he gets his way regardless. Sometimes it lines up with “our way” and sometimes not.

    um…I apologize for the mini-blog I just wrote as a comment on your blog. clearly I have an opinion.

    Reply
  39. Nicole

    My kids are 4 years apart. It was perfect for me because my oldest was potty trained and she was old enough to help mommy with the baby. I only had 2 kids home together for 1 year then she went off to school and it was nice to have the one on one time with my son everyday. Now at 15 and 11 they are pretty close for being different genders. Also I have learned that high school extra curricular activities are expensive and I’m glad I will only have there at a time. Of course Zach will be a freshman in high school while Hayley is a freshman in college and that in itself bring on a whole new set of expenses!

    Reply
  40. Susan

    My children are 4 years apart in age, 5 years apart in school grade (one skipped a grade – not recommended btw). They were very close, then the oldest went off to college and then they weren’t as close anymore. Now we’re all back together again, and the two kids are getting closer. The relationship your children have with their siblings has so many variable – boys versus girls, skills, likes and dislikes. One might be outgoing, one might be shy – all of this will affect their relationship. It’s how you parent and allow them to treat each other that matters most. If you make family the most important priority after God, and do this from birth on, they will get it.

    My sister and I are 16 years apart (actually I have another sister that is 18 years older than me too). Yet despite the age difference, my sister made me feel as though I was the most important person in her world – she moved out, married, had her own kids, but when she came home to visit – she made time for me. I mattered in her eyes, and because of that, we are closer than most sisters I know.

    God is in control – that’s the bottom line in my world.

    Reply
  41. Sarah

    My first two are 11 months apart, not planned of course! It has been tough but they are the best of friends! Our third child is 27 months younger than our second and it has definitely been a lot easier this time around, but maybe that is just because she is our third! My feeling has always been to have them close together so they can be playmates/entertainment for each other but I have heard that also works if they are spaced farther apart. (i currently have three ages three, two and 2 months)
    I am already thinking about number 4, and I know I don’t want a huge age gap but yeah , don’t realy want to be pregnant again.
    I agree with Susan, God is in control, and what looks like choas to us is really his perfect plan!

    Reply
  42. Jessy

    My husband and I “argued” about this for awhile. I wanted our kids 3 years apart and he wanted 4 years apart. I remember saying, “I refuse to let my kids be that far apart, that’s the spacing between my brothers and I, and I hated it growing up”, to which he replied, “I guess that’s true, my brothers and I were 3 years, and we loved it, let’s do 3 years” Well, we seemed to forget who was actually in charge of everything and didn’t really care what plan God had, we had decided 3 years, and that’s what it was going to be. We started trying and trying and continued trying (we never tried with our son, he actually came two years before we had planned on starting a family), and after almost two years of trying, we are pregnant with baby number two and it is scheduled to make it debut four months after our son turns 4! So much for refusing to let my kids be that far apart, just goes to show you, God is in control and even if you decide something, He may not think that is right for you and continue with His own plans.

    Reply
  43. McKt

    My advice…pray, pray, pray. Seek guidance about how your family should be led and seek scripture to back it up. All the answers are in The Book, so no worries. This was a weak point in our marriage early on. We prayed for each other and life, but didn’t pray about the baby making, it’s important. We thought we had that all figured out with the American dream and stuff. Babies (eventually kids and young adults) aren’t about logistics, space, time, or even paying for their college so don’t get hung up on those things.

    And whatever, or whoever, comes know there are challenges and advantages to however the gaps come. Kids are hard no matter when they come, but I know I’ve been much harder on God the Father than my kids could ever be on me.

    We have 14 month and a 26 month gaps right now. They all love each other dearly and play together all day. There are (and have been) a lot diapers and sleepless nights. I wouldn’t have it any other way, mostly cause I didn’t (and wouldn’t) have picked it.

    Reply
  44. Molly

    We have done it both ways. Our first two are 21 months apart. And then there is an almost 5 year gap.

    And honestly I would say there isn’t any one “right” way. We love the whole mix. Good luck as you go through this process and decision.

    Reply
  45. Mandy

    My boys are 3 years and 3 months apart. We love it! The older one is old enough to understand exactly what was going on, mommy is having another baby, and old enough to be self sufficient a lot of the day. He also adores his baby brother, and there was no jealousy issues at all with us. I’m not sure if that was due to his age or his personality (he is extremely outgoing)

    The only problem, and it is very small in comparison to how much I love having two boys, is that they are both going through rough stages in their lives at the same time. The toddler is going through the ‘whiny, defiant stage’ and the baby is going through the ‘I don’t wanna sleep at night, and I want to be held and cuddled ever second of every day’ stage! So that can get a little tough! I guess I just wasn’t expecting it to be like that because my first was an angel of an infant, so I guess I just figured this one would be the same. =)

    Reply
  46. Megan

    My husband and I talk about this ALL THE TIME.

    There are 6 years between him and his older brother, and 5 years between him and his younger sister, and they are all as close as they can be. I am 7 years older than my brother, and 16 years (talk about spacing!) older than my sister, and we are not close at all. So I don’t think that age and spacing plays a role in whether siblings are close to each other, I think it’s the way they are raised. But that’s just my opinion.

    Our daughter’s first birthday is next Tuesday and right now, we are planning to start trying for #2 this July. That would put them just over 2 years apart, and I don’t honestly know if I can handle a 2 year old and a newborn, but we are going to try. I just want to go ahead and have all of my kids and be done, so I can get the sleepless nights behind me and be able to enjoy all of my children together, unlike my mother, who had a high school junior and a newborn!

    Reply
  47. Autumn

    My husband and I went through this a couple of years ago when we were deciding to have another baby. We wanted them to be about two years apart because my husband and his brother are almost exactly two years apart and are extremely close. I’m four years older than my middle sister and eight and a half years older than my youngest sister. We certainly love each other and are somewhat close, but not like we would be if we were closer in age. So, my husband and I started trying when our daughter was eight months old hoping to “hit” the two year mark with the next baby. God had other plans for us, and nineteen months later (9 days ago, to be exact) we had our second daughter…our daughters are three years apart. So plan all you want to, but it’s totally out of our hands anyway. And the Lord will prepare you for whatever He chooses to give you. I spent many days of my second pregnancy crying to my husband and doubting that I could handle two (yes, I know it was a little late at that point!), but the SECOND I looked into my youngest daughter’s eyes I was completely in love!! I love every second of juggling two and already find my heart prepared for more children that God might have in store for us. Just leave it up to Him and spend your time and energy on your husband and precious son! I know that’s easier said than done…we, as women, are SO good at over thinking things!! Thank you for sharing your heart here. It is a blessing to know that so many other moms are going through the same things I am!

    Reply
  48. Kelly @ Love Well

    Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a right answer to this question. (Darn it, right?)

    I suspect that eventually, you’ll just settle on something and go for it. And then, once the decision is made, you’ll stop stressing.

    I love mulling over big decisions like this in my mind (control freak, anyone?), but I’m always forced to acknowledge, in the end, that so much of what I think I control, I really don’t.

    Reply
  49. Jackie

    I love that you’re thinking about spacing. My baby isn’t even here yet and I’m already wondering when the next will come along. (crazy- i know!)

    As so many people have said, I don’t think there is a right answer. It is all dependent on your independent situation. For some families “Irish Twins” may be a blessing, for others it’s a 10 year gap!

    I would love a large family but I am really struggling with spacing as well. Especially since I am taking a year or so off from my career to raise this little baby. If I space them too close a couple years will turn into many, many years, and I don’t know that I will be able to pick back up where I left off. If i space them out much further I will be leaving a career every 5 or so years to take a couple off. That won’t work!

    It’s so hard! I wonder do our husbands lay up at night torturing themselves with these kinds of questions as well, haha. I’m pretty sure mine isn’t currently thinking past our one baby that is on the way.

    Good luck Alison, I am so sure any decision you make will be the right one for you!

    Reply

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