on being good enough – wedded wednesday

I have a kid and am learning to be a mother, right?

Well, turns out I also have a husband and am learning to be a wife (surprise!). I happen to fall into the school of thought that my marriage comes first in our family – that my husband is a higher priority to me than my child(ren) and I, him. And while I do verbally love on DanO here in this space from time to time, it just so happens that he is not learning to walk and getting new front teeth, nor does he have nearly as adorable knee chub as someone else around this joint, which makes it tough to balance the blog fodder between my men.

Because really, we all know you’re here for the knee chub.

Thankfully, the lovely Johanna of These Prices (and also of Johanna Price Photography – swoon!) hosts a weekly blog carnival called “wedded Wednesday”  which is a good reminder  to keep important things important, even here in bloggity ville. I hope you enjoy this, my first ever installment of wedded Wednesday and please feel free to hop on over to Johanna’s blog and join us.


Maybe I should ask for a clean bedroom again, this time for my birthday.” he says, hands on his hips as he looks around our room at what can only be described as the post-blogher disaster of 2010.

It’s true, the room needs help like I need a shower and both seem to be those things on my to-do list that I don’t think about until I’m just so ready to throw myself at my pillow and not open my eyes until a 20lb blond toddler needs me. I feel like a bit of a failure.

It doesn’t help, either, that everything went so swimmingly when I up and left the state for 4 days. It is strangely depressing to me just how well everyone functioned in my absence.

My failures pile up like the unwashed clothes in this room, and both point out my inadequacies. Why is it that I can’t be Super Mom? Super Wife?

…but I know this voice. It sounds a little different this time, but I recognize the timbre and intonation. That nasty downer of a voice in my head whose whispers serve no purpose other than to point out my flaws so that I am crippled by fear and self-doubt?

It’s a Liar.

It wants me to be stymied by the shear volume of tasks at hand, overwhelmed by them, perplexed by their futility, the why and wherefore of them instead of being focused on the who of them.

Why unpack and put the luggage away if I am going to need it again in 2 weeks? Why did I clean the room for Father’s Day if by August it was just going to be worse?” Lies tumble over and over in my mind.

Why? Wherefore?” I ask the voice, and merely by calling it out I can tell I already have the upper hand in this mental battle, “To serve the who.

He is my who. He is my why. He is my wherefore.

So I will unpack the luggage and haul it upstairs to sit undisturbed for a mere 18 days, and then I will sweep the stacks of clothing into the laundry basket or onto hangers where they belong, regardless of how soon the task will need to be repeated. And though I am not Super Woman, it is a lie for me to think I ought to be or that that’s what he wants from me. He wants me, he wants my love and my affection shown through words, touch, gifts, and acts of service. All of which I intend to continue to do.

Because he is my husband and I love him.

17 Responses to “on being good enough – wedded wednesday”

  1. LCW

    At our wedding shower we were given notes of advice and scripture. One of the best notes of advice we received was scribbled on an index card. It was an inverted triangle. At the top of the triangle the word God, below that, Marriage and below that Children. And that’s exactly how we live our life. And I agree with you, that a strong marriage and Godly relationship with my husband makes me a better mother.

  2. Erin

    Thank you for the reminder. It seems like the housework and chores are a little ore easy to deal with if I remind myself that I am doing them to serve my husband and my children, and to serve the Lord through that. Otherwise it just seems pointless.

  3. Melinda

    So much of life as a wife and mom involves repetitious tasks. You clean up one meal and start the next. You just finish the laundry and there’s more dirty clothes. (One more reason I blog – to create something that doesn’t get eaten immediately!) What a great reminder that’s it’s not about the task – it’s about the people we are serving.

  4. Johanna

    This is great! I once heard Andy Stanley’s wife say that early in their marriage, they passed a car where the wife was sitting in the backseat with the baby while the husband drove. Sandra said that Andy looked at her and said “Please never do that.” It stuck with me. I hope that I can be the best mother to my future children by being the best wife to Aaron. Thank you for linking up! (And now I am going home and updating my photo blog! Ha.)

  5. Molly

    Beautifully written.

    It’s such a hard balance between being a great mama and a great wife. I struggle with this every single day.
    Thank you for your voice.

  6. Kelly @ Love Well

    One of the most frustrating things to me about growing up is the smack-hard truth that I can’t be perfect. I so desperately want to be the perfect mom and the perfect wife and the perfect Christian and the perfect writer and the perfect baker and the perfect gardener. And there are days when I get all my plates balanced and spinning just so and for a moment in time, all is well.

    But most of the time, my plates are wobbly and one or two is crashing to the floor. So I gather the shards and take them to Jesus and bathe in grace and start again tomorrow.

    DanO is lucky to have you (and you are lucky to have DanO).

  7. abby

    So very true. Sometimes I get worried because this baby isn’t even here yet, but I feel like I’m not giving my husband enough time, enough energy, enough love. There is always something piling up to do and looking at a dirty house and a long list of chores that need to be done and flowers watered, I get overwhelmed and feel myself just shut down. Unfortunately that leaves more on my husbands shoulders. I need to be more aware of that. And I need to focus more on him and not preperations for this baby! Thanks for this post.

  8. Brenda @ college plan

    Husbands do need our love more than anything when a baby comes on board – they often feel less needed and even alienated. Some of them even jealous – ouch…. We need their support, but they need our love, the assurance that they play the same important role in our life as they always did.

  9. Sisterlisa

    oh now that was really cute! (nix the failure part) :P You’re not alone. Don’t we all feel that way from time to time? I’ve been married for almost 19 years and God has really showed us what grace is….and because of that we can show grace to one another too. Even when the clothes are piled on the dresser instead of put in the drawers. ;O)

    See you at Relevant.


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