Hi friends. I want to share some things with you, do you mind? These aren’t cute toddler antics or crazy home renovation project things. These are hard things. We don’t talk about them often enough things. Tricky, everyone has a different perspective things.
Well, here we go.
I use a service provided by Google to be able to see what search terms bring someone to my blog (these aren’t the things I want to talk about; stick with me). If you type in “Allison and Dan O Family” into a search engine and click on my site as a result, Google will record that data and let me access it. I don’t much get into “Search Engine Optimization” which is a smarmy internet term for making your website easier for people to find, but I do poke around at my search term hits from time to time.
I’d like to share with you what I see there. These are just a few things that someone somewhere in the last couple of months has typed into their computer and it has brought them to O My virtual front door:
“husband doesnt understand motherhood”
“christian motherhood failure”
“having a kid is not what i thought it would be”
“help i’m grieving”
“i had ppd after my first child”
“i never thought motherhood would be this hard”
“i thought motherhood would be different”
“i’m grieving but can’t say how i feel, how do i put it into words”
“motherhood + mourning old life”
“motherhood has destroyed my life”
“motherhood isn’t what i thought it would be”
“not enjoying motherhood as much as i thought i would”
“my baby made me a bad person”
“grieving being a stay at home mom”
“how to be a good friend to a new mom”
“motherhood is difficult and i am not good at it”
“motherhood is so overwhelming for me”
“motherhood not for everyone”
“speaking out about ppd”
“when motherhood is not all your thought it would be”
“will i have ppd with my second child?”
O, friends. O goodness. This is so hard, but I am so glad you’re here, and I assure you, I have thought or wondered about every gosh darn item on that list. Every single one. By the grace of God, I don’t think about them nearly as much now, but they are there, creeping in the shadows of those bad days with bad naps and bad tempers. They are there.
But you are here. And I am here. And I’m so glad we are.
I want to do something. I don’ know, I just feel like there is so much to be talked about on this issue. I don’t mean just motherhood and mental illness, I mean the difficulty of all motherhood. Obviously there is a desire and a need for this to be discussed.
Will you do me the honor of discussing it with me, here in this space? Will you bring your own unique perspective on the challenges and triumphs of what being a new mom was like for you? I don’t think we need to be downers about it… “O hey! O My Family thinks motherhood is daunting and scary and so I will too…” but I do think we should be honest. I think we should share about that time we called our husband home from work at 1:30 in the afternoon because it was either that or leave OBaby in his crib until he got home that evening.
I also think we should be honest about that bursting with love and joy feeling that we get when our 14 month old runs up to us and hugs us around the neck and it occurs to us that he doesn’t even remember that afternoon he spent in his crib and that we didn’t ruin him.
I just think we should be honest. Do you want to be honest with me, speaking truth into the lives of those who might stumble upon this blog in need of some light and truth? Here’s what I’m thinking:
If this is a topic near and dear to your heart and you would like to share your perspective with this community of readers and friends (who are friends we just haven’t met yet), please email me your thoughts, experiences, stories, encouragement, poem, whatever you may want to share in a blog post format (Include pictures if you’d like. Let’s say 400+ words-ish? I’m flexible. Let’s talk about it.) so that we can share it, talk about it, learn from it, grow stronger and be encouraged because of it. Each woman’s (and heck, man’s) perspective of the challenges of motherhood is different. Let’s share them.
You can email me using the contact form here, or send it directly to omyfamilyblog @ gmail . com.
Thank you for being here. I’m so glad you are.
{I want to acknowledge my friend Kristen Howerton as an inspiring force in my desire to do this. Right now on her blog she is featuring the “What I Want You to Know” series of posts where readers get to give voice to something they want you to know about. It’s blogging at it’s best, so go check it out.}
What a great idea, Allison. Thank you for using this space for things that matter.
What a great resource this will be for mothers. And while I am not a new mother, I did suffer from PPD and things were rough and I will happily email you.
love this idea.
yay!!! You wrote it!! I’m so proud of you!! I LOVE YOU!
love love LOVE this idea.
i’ll share … not sure what though … but something.
i mean … i’ve done this three times … there should be something … right?
Oh, this breaks my heart but you know what? It’s so familiar. I try to be as honest as I can and lately it’s been seeping out, as much as I try to contain it, it’s just been hard lately. And telling the truth and not trying to gloss it over helps a lot.
Steph
I do believe motherhood would be “easier” if we all were willing to share our experiences…otherwise women will just keep sitting in the dark sad, depressed, wondering what happened, and is this what they really wanted. I know that was me.
“otherwise women will just keep sitting in the dark sad, depressed, wondering what happened, and is this what they really wanted.”
So true, so true! If other mothers only knew how many times “what was I thinking?” or “this is NOT wjhat I signed up for” has rolled through my mind… The reality is that as wonderfully full of blessings as motherhood is, it is equally as hard. It just is. Support is crucial!
Thanks for this blog. I think a big part of the reason that parents fail (or feel like they fail) is that we keep everything inside. We don’t share. We want to look perfect.
Last month I shared some stuff with a new friend. We have daughters that are friends and the same age. I was really honest with her about some struggles I secretly have as a parent. When she told me that the week prior she laid next to her daughter (while her daughter slept) and cried and cried saying how sorry she was for yelling at her all of the time. It really hit home. I thought..wow you mean you are not perfect? I thought I was the only one who ever lost my temper and then felt extremly horrible afterward?!
Sometimes just hearing that no one is perfect, makes me feel so much better. :-)
In addition, I think we all need to say a prayer or two for the women that entered those words into Google to begin with. We’re all truly blessed to have the Internet as a resource for information, but also support! <3
Hi Allison,
I read your blog nearly everyday but rarely comment (sorry about that!), This is such a great idea, and if I can get into gear I would love to contribute. Thanks for having such a lovely blog for us to read.
Alanah.
This is such an excellent idea! I would love to try and write up something if I can find the time….. Support in motherhood is critical and I whole-heartedly believe that our society is so geared toward doing things yourself and being independent that it is even harder on new moms, or any mom for that matter, in this day and age. In Old Testament times we see families living together- married children living with their parents and mothers having nurse maids to help them. It just seems people used to have so much more family support. We need to recognize that and not be afraid to ask for help. God did not intend for us to go this alone.
I agree so much that moms need to share this stuff. I will write you.
Just for re-assurance purposes: Please keep in mind that when most people go searching for something, they aren’t usually searching for the happy bubbly stuff. Most don’t look for things like “happy mother dishing on baby” because if they are sad, they don’t want to see that, and if they are happy, they probably aren’t looking for it specifically. It’s kind of like the opposite of looking through pictures (you don’t find the bad moments because you don’t normally take pictures of those). There is a lot of happiness on your site, which is why I read it.
Not to say I don’t want to hear about the negative, because, OMG it’s important. It really is. I love the idea to share and open up and be honest. You should know that even though the searches may show some hard times, but you show some pretty nice and happy times more than anything else. I personally won’t be emailing you simply because I have yet to have children. So while I feel I know what it’s like (I’ve cared for children my whole life, ish) I’m sure I really don’t. Can’t wait to read what you end up posting, though!
I agree Lynzie. Keep in mind that most people aren’t searching out people that are just so incredibly happy, like them. People go to the internet, often, to find help. There is a LOT of love and joy and happiness on this blog.
Such a great idea! I’m hoping to get my stuff together and write up a post. XOXO
I think one of the things I love about your blog is that you are not all one thing or the other. You are real. Good, bad and all the stuff in between.
Thank you for, as always, being you.
YAy! I love that you are doing this. It is too often kept hidden that motherhood can be hard! And not always fun! And just because you don’t always love it doesn’t mean at all that you don’t love your children. It’s kind of like marriage – not always fun but so wholly worth it and rewarding overall.
“just because you don’t always love it doesn’t mean at all that you don’t love your children”
Absolutely!!!!!!!!! That is so true and I hate it when people overlook that. Also, just because you complain sometimes doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful. (for example, you complain about getting up at night with the baby so much because you are tired, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful you have a healthy child when so many people out there struggle with infertility and adoption costs/process)
This is such a wonderful idea. I think so much GOOD comes from honesty. It’s a horrible feeling to think you are alone, that you are the only one who makes mistakes, that you are the only one who thinks things you feel like you shouldn’t think, that yells or cries or thinks things are hard. But when someone else shares? And says “hey me too” – it’s such a gift. Suddenly you aren’t the only one – every one makes mistakes, it’s okay to have a bad minute/hour/day/week/etc. It makes such a difference.
I think one of the few downsides to this blogging thing is rooted in our desire to be positive. In itself that is NOT a bad thing, but when all someone sees around them are images of perfection (even if the blogger is not trying to pretend to be perfect, which I genuinely believe most are not trying to do) you start to wonder about yourself and why your life doesn’t look like that. I don’t have a blog, but I read well over 100 different blogs on my reader so it’s nice to have a honest look at a Mom’s life once in awhile. I am not saying that everyone has to be doing that everyday, but it is nice to read about the struggles sometimes too. They make you feel less alone. :)
Allison–
I LOVE this idea of being real and sharing our struggles in regards to motherhood. I remember on Mother’s Day, when I was pregnant with my first, the moms in our Sunday School class were to share the best and worst things about being a mom and I couldn’t get over how many moms responded, “I just can’t think of one thing I don’t like about being a mom.” What?! I mean, seriously? I know I was only pregnant at the time, and granted I can be a glass-half-empty-type of person, but I just couldn’t believe that there wasn’t one crappy experience that they had to share. So, anyway, to make a long story short, after having my first, I did feel very alone because I had this picture implanted in my brain from that particular experience that maybe, possibly, somehow I would miraculously feel the same way. Of course I loved my baby, but those early days were just plain HARD and incredibly lonely. It would have made a world of difference to me at the time to know that other moms had gone through this same thing.
What a beautiful idea.
Can’t wait to see what comes next:).
you are awesome. and all those women who searched for you? are brave. and fragile. and in need. kinda like me over the past couple of years. i don’t know where i would be without the support i found through women online. i am a country away from family and friends and the women i met online were my lifeline.
this is THAT important.
Love xoxo
grace
Just so you’ll get something nicer next time you look at how people found your blog, I typed “I love OBaby” into google even though I *know* how to get here. :) (I always feel like I have to say this,but I don’t love him in some creepy lady off the internet way. I just love his adorable cheeks and watching him grow. But I think you know that.)
♥
I do know that. You’re adorable, too, you know. :)
Allison, I found your blog earlier this week while searching for good blogs for new moms. I just read this post today, and I identify with what you and all the commentators have written. (Coincidentally, I gave birth to my first child, a son, the same day you posted this!) How can I access the perspectives that were shared?