today I have

Today, I have

used words I regret.

yelled words I regret.

been less than gentle.

lost my temper.

been impatient.

wished I were elsewhere.

been less than understanding.

given rough touches.


been ungrateful.

served myself first.

shown apathy.

seen my blessings as burdens.

been discontent.

felt bitter.



a Father who forgives me, even when I haven’t yet forgiven myself.

39 Responses to “today I have”

  1. Katherine

    I have days like this too, then at the end of the day I look back at my actions and wonder what happened to me. We are so lucky to have such an understanding and forgiving Father!

  2. Amanda

    I needed to hear that too…and this: “Remember? He asks for Praise not Perfection… Grace not Grindstone…” ~ Farmer Voskamp (from aholyexperience.com). God is so good to us… to give us what we don’t deserve when we don’t deserve it. Praying for His overflowing love to be poured out on you today.

    P.S. On days like this I always wonder if my harsh words have ruined my son for life. But God gives grace to our kids too… and He teaches our kids not just through our good moments, but also through our bad moments and our repentance and reconciliation.

  3. Amanda

    Well, number one, self forgiveness is a farse. No where in the Bible does it call for self forgiveness… in fact, if we buy into that, we are in fact giving OURSELVES power over God. And I think I know you well enough to know that you are a wise, wise woman who adores the Lord. Your sins are ALREADY forgiven.

    Number two, girl, I am crying those frustrated tormented tears with you. Being pregnant and having hormone overkill and being a mom is TOUGH! There are those days.. well… kinda like the one you have described… that just rock us to our core.

    You are so much more then this moment… you are such an amazing mommy (yes, even when you are yelling) and wife and child of God. You are what Jesus died for.

    You are an inspiration. You are flawed. You are loved.

    And while words cant take away your frustrations… prayers and leaning on the One who can heal can. I will be praying my heart out for you.

    Be blessed-

  4. EvC

    Remember that EVERYONE has these days. Breathe deeply, kiss your beautiful son, dream of the child you are carrying and know (and most importantly believe) that tomorrow will be better.

  5. Sidnie

    I have tears in my eyes.
    JUST TODAY, I was talkin’ to my Momma. We were catching up on everything that’s going on in “my circle” back home. She was filling me in on everything, and a friend had lost her job.
    This friend told her that it was beautiful reminder to “Be thankful for EVERYTHING. Even the bad.”
    That’s hard to swallow. To be thankful for the things we don’t like. The things that hurt.
    But there’s good in all of it. There’s happiness on the other side.
    I know a little girl who is ONE WEEK CANCER FREE TODAY.
    My husband’s mom had surgery today and is doing great recovering right now.
    Austin fell asleep after 15 tuck ins.
    You’re growing a BABY INSIDE YOU.
    Miracles, I tell you. None too big. None too small.

    I had what you had today. I don’t like those days.
    But you’re right- at the end of the day, He forgives. There IS Grace.
    He will give you all and only what you need to get through this day.
    Only what you need. Daily bread.
    His hand is on your shoulder. Reach up, and hold it.
    And then reach down and hold OBaby’s hand.

    Sending you love.
    Hope I’m not crazy for rambling! ;)

  6. Jan M

    This was my day too, I felt like I just lost it.
    Thank you so much for posting this today of all days! I am so grateful to have a forgiving God, even when it’s hard to forgive myself.

  7. Darlene

    We all have days like that. Yesterday was one for me. Today was much better. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you!

    I’ve been voting for you every time I think about it! Hugs.

  8. Amanda

    Hi Allison,
    I’m your friend Sarah’s sister. I could’ve written this today. God’s mercy and grace abound that’s for sure! Tomorrow is a fresh start. Just know you aren’t alone. Thanks for sharing this.

  9. Kelly @ Love Well

    I’m feeling this one tonight. God has grown a lot of patience on this vine the last few years. But today? Today was pushing me. I was constantly checking myself and trying to reorient and focus on the bigger things so I wouldn’t melt down. I’m thankful each day is new, that He forgives, that He can help me grow.

  10. Jessy

    I have this written down and although I’m sure it’s meant for humor, it really does help me when I have days like this:
    Lord grant me the patience to deal with my blessings.

  11. Sugar Mama

    Oh, isn’t that amazing! That even when we feel our worst, we have a Father that can see past it. I wish I could be more of a parent like Him.

    I hope your day gets better.

  12. Laura

    Thank you for sharing this. We all have days like this. We are forgiven. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m guessing hubby will be home to help you as it’s Saturday right? :)

  13. Sarah S

    Thanks for sharing. More than once I have sat down after the kids have gone to bed and felt ashamed at my parenting. The things I yelled, the patience I lacked, the battles I chose, the selfishness of my actions, knowing that I (emotionally) hurt my kiddos with my behavior. Those are hard nights and fortunately they don’t happen very often but they are also the sorts of things that are not written about in parenting books and I think most parents have them. That’s why I love blogging so much. It tells the truth.


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