Spoiler alert: If you are part of O My Extended Family, you may want to avert your eyes from this post, it contains details and teasers of your Christmas gifts. You have been warned.
This year, our Christmas “present” budget was less than $100 for roughly 18 family members – parents, siblings, and siblings’ significant others. Our gifts to everyone besides our immediate family (so DanO, OBaby, and me) are handmade. I’ve been knitting since before Thanksgiving and I, just today, finished the gifts we are shipping to my family in Oregon (I should probably… uhm… get on that). Scarves, head wraps, neck cowls, coffee cup sleeves, even mittens – all made each with one particular family member in mind as I wove every stitch. It was beautifully different than rushing between stores with traffic, lists, and chaos on the mind.
It felt more peaceful. It felt more purposeful.
Even our immediate family gifts are very, very low-key. Things we needed, one toy I forgot about in the closet from OBaby’s 1st birthday, and small little luxuries (special candies, tea, candles, new warm socks).
And then, the cash that we would have dropped on items for our families from the store, we gave away in honor of our families. Somewhere in the world, a well that we put money toward means that a village will have access to clean water now. We gave because our families have made our lives better. Because Christ has given us living water.
It felt more appropriate. It felt more generous.
And that money we didn’t spend on each other (the three of us) means that somewhere in the Twin Cities a family has something that they needed but couldn’t afford. We wanted to truly give, in honor of the lavish and generous gift God gave us at Christmas.
It felt more like worshiping the king.
I would like to officially state that our Christmas celebration has not gotten smaller with our smaller “present” budget. It has undeniably gotten bigger. We will have family over on Christmas morning and we will celebrate together, and Christmas Eve is always full of extended family and Swedish food. But also, I can honestly say that putting this much thought and intention into Christmas gifts this year has made Christmas be more on my mind than in other years. I’ve been thinking about how and what to truly give for over a month. We’ve prepared and talked about where we would give our money just like we would have sat down and discussed “wish lists”.
It’s been beautiful.
How did we get here? It was a combination of two things. The first was the commercials that I swear I started seeing back in September. TOYS! BLINKY THINGS! GAMING SYSTEMS! THINGS THAT ALL LITTLE KIDS NEED/WANT/NEED/WANT! (those lines blur so easily in marketing). Something about those commercials awoke a mama bear instinct in me. They were targeting my kid with their lies and their consumerism. Maybe he wouldn’t get it this year, but he will soon. Next year? I don’t know. I don’t want to find out. I don’t want him to think that this is what Christmas is about.
The second was something my dear friend Nish of The Outdoor Wife said to me in October sitting at a lunch table at the Relevant Conference: “Every year, Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas. It would take a dedicated $10 billion to provide clean water to the global population.”
Wow.
She was referencing a statistic used by the Advent Conspiracy organization, and she went on to tell me about their ministry. My heart was already stirring that Christmas needed to be different, and Nish pointed me to how.
It was what I needed to hear.
Will this kind of giving work for us every year? I don’t know. I hope it does. I hope that setting this precedent early on with our kids will mean that we are able to keep the preparation for Christmas about ‘What can we do to be able to give more generously?’ and not about ‘What do I want?’
It is how I want Christmas to be.
What will family think? I’m not sure. I have definitely thought about it, though. It’s a radical shift and it is going (somewhat) against a social norm that we’ve followed for years. We’ve discussed the change with some family members and they are excited for the change, but others, I’m not sure. I know that this is what we need Christmas to be, and my prayer and hope is that our heart is seen through these gifts and not that we are “just being cheap”. We really are doing it in response to their love for us, and God’s love for us.
It feels right. It feels like true giving. True worship.
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If you would like more information on Advent Conspiracy, here is a 2 minute video about their message, or you can visit their website for more videos and more details.
Glory to the Newborn King! Merry Christmas!
Thanks for sharing. The Lord has been working on this with me this month and I’m still praying through what it looks like and how to make changes without disappointing others. I wonder if extended family will consider me (us) cheap or something. When it’s really not about the money itself; it’s about the overshadowing of our Savior’s birth. Praying. Thanks again.
Isn’t that so hard? The “disappointing others” part? I know. I know. I think for us this year we got to a place where we were comfortable enough that this is what we needed to do for our family and if anyone wanted to talk to us more about it or know more we would happily tell them. Like I said, I just have to hope they see our heart. And hey, if they want to reciprocate next year and downsize their gifts? I will be 100% on board. That was the other thing. This kind of giving also made me want less. So that “what do you want for Christmas?” question became really really hard. Like, really hard. I asked for shampoo from my In-Laws. True story. (Hey! I need it!)
Oh friend, this is one of the MANY things that makes me love you so…your heart. It’s so full of love for Him & His that it makes me want to fly to MN just to talk to you. And, Nish…oh that Nish. She also never fails to astound me and force me to think outside the box about Him. Suddenly I feel very foolish for my nearly $800 contribution to the $450 billion. Thank you for the reminder of what the real reason for this season is.
No no no! Don’t you go feeling silly. Your $800 contribution was done in love. It’s love. Seriously. We just need to love outside the box sometimes, too. And check our hearts to make sure it still IS love. For me, it wasn’t love anymore. I needed it to be different. PS I love you.
THANK YOU for this blog! This has been a tough year financially for us (I was laid off in March), while it’s been a struggle it’s taught me what is really important and once again reminded that “everything happens for a reason.” We’re having a simple Christmas as well, example: I baked two dozen of my husband’s favorite cookies this afternoon and plan to wrap them and give them to him on Christmas morning. When friends and family ask what our boys want for Christmas, I simply respond by telling them “donate to a charity in their name”. I truly feel blessed this year!
That is SO AWESOME! I love the cookie idea!
I think I saw this video…2 years ago? (And if it hasn’t been out that long, then definitely, absolutely I saw it last year.) What a grand idea! I really wanted to make all of our Christmas gifts this year, as well. But wow, the time! I commend you for being able to work your hiney off to make all those lovely hand-made, heart-felt gifts for your family while mothering a toddler, and I pray they will all come to the realization that your hearts are in the right place. I am going to share this with my husband and start the change in our family, as well! Thank you for putting this on my heart!
good for you guys! this is awesome! This year we only bought for people who needed it and not each other… our housekeeper, our babysitter, my husband’s secretaries, my son’s teachers.
My family does a $25 limit gift exchange within family which is SO nice. So we each just buy one present for someone whose name we draw. And 25 bucks is tops.
For my 2 year old all he is getting is a stocking that we decorated with his little buddies. Each mom brought a small stocking stuffer for each of the kiddos. I bought 10 little toy cars and we exchanged. He’s two for crying out loud! He’s going to be in HEAVEN! :-)
I love your ideas. Thank you!
I’m lucky, in the sense that my kid is only a year old and hasn’t been bombarded by the philosophy of gift-getting rather than love-giving. But I know a lot of moms and dads are terrified about their kids “getting” Advent Conspiracy. There’s this imminent fear of disappointment. But I’ve heard countless stories from families who explain the concept to their kids… the Spend Less, Give More, Love All, Worship Fully… and they “get it” SO MUCH EASIER than we do! We are the ones who have been entrenched in this culture for so long! It’s a radical shift in the axis of things, but its just so… simple. Buy less, so you can give more. It’s beautiful.
Thankful for your heart, friend. Grateful to know you & experience your faithfulness.
That is so beautiful. I planed to avoid this from the time my babies first Christmas: Santa brings one much requested gift and fills stockings with small inexpensive special items, then there are 3 gifts under the tree for each child in honor of the 3 gifts brought to Jesus. My kids have never complained that they didn’t get as many things as their friends (which is almost always true) and they have learned to ask for only what they really want.
Wow! Proof read much?! My apologies. I planned to avoid the Christmas gimmies from my first born’s first Christmas. . .
You have no idea how much I love this! I’ve been searching for something to do to “give to Jesus” as our gift to him on Christmas (an envelope to open) instead of having “gifts from Santa” and I love the idea of giving money to make a well for clean water, like the living water He is for us. Beautiful. I can’t wait to share this with my family.
Thanks so much for sharing this!
I come at it from a secular standing point, but I really appreciate you encouraging others to give back in lieu of giving “stuff”. I try to do this too!
Good for you. And all that time spent knitting is worth a lot more than the money you normally would have spent. At least it would be to me.
I love this. I was thinking about it the other day. Why do we give presents to each other when we are celebrating the GIFT of the grace God gave us through Jesus. I get hung up on disappointing everybody else… But I should have confidence when I gift family a card saying “thank you for your love, with that in mind we have chosen to be Jesus to others by giving……”. Thank you for this.
I came across your blog a few months ago and have enjoyed each post I have read!
It is scary to think how much our nation spends on one holiday. One of my most fond memories as a child was shopping with my family for a needy family we adopted through our church. And last year my family’s gift to my grandparents was purchasing farm animals (in their name) for people in third world countires. Talk about a rewarding gift! Thanks for sharing your story.
I just stumbled upon your blog and I really loved this post – also the one about the woman in the Nordstrom bathroom, which is SO something I would do.
Anyway, I just got around to reading your bio and I had to leave a comment because I went to Elmhurst College! Long time ago, though. :)
Anyway, I’m glad I found your blog. I have a 5.5 month old and I love your positivity. Merry Christmas!
I love this idea and it I think it is a great way to show children that the really reason is not the getting but the giving. We are not doing present for other family members and less presents for each other , I feel guilty at times but at the same times I have often felt like I had to buy something and that people did not appreciate it. I am relieved in some ways not to have to find that perfect gift for people. I would love to learn how to knit or crochet so I could make gifts for people. We did frame some of our daughters finger paintings for the grandparents which I know they will enjoy. I have always wanted to adopt a family or do something else at Christmas to teach my daughter that it is better to give and to appreciate what God has given us then to get more toys or things we don’t need.
Where in Oregon does your family live, I was born and raised in Oregon and moved when I got married to the Seattle WA area.
Thanks for the great reminder of what Christmas is all about.
you have such a big & generous heart. last year we stopped exchanging gifts among the adults in the family. i wanted to make celebrating Christmas more about being together than about opening presesnts. we played games and just enjoyed each others company. it will be the same this year and i can honestly say i look forward to it much more than i have in years.
i still haven’t mastered knitting. i think i need to have you show me a few things. can we meet someday for a quick little knitting lesson? im getting desperate!
Each year our Christmas is very low key, from when the girls were very little we stressed the importance of the season. The love, the fact that we have so much when so many around us have so little. When they were younger they would pick an equal amount of toys to donate to our local battered woman’s shelter for the kids there that was going in to their rooms. (trying to explain to my parents and in laws that they don’t need every last thing was hard) I admit as the girls have gotten older they ask for less and it really makes my heart glad. (Although I can’t say that my 12 year old didn’t hand me a list with some crazy things on it that I think she just put on it because she thought they sounded neat, yet used the Christmas money her grandfather gave her to buy gifts for her friends)
You have such a big heart. Thank you for sharing this. ((hugs)) and Merry Christmas!
What a beautiful post.
The last few years, my family (me and husband) have been hit financially with me being out of work for chronic pain issues, him being laid off then me being out for PPD, we just simply couldn’t afford Christmas.
We all collectively decided upon not exchanging gifts and know what? Our Christmas is that much more special. We focus on what matters and that is love and being together at Christmas.
This year, I made baked goods to give to the kids with a handmade ornament that was created with the help of my son. It’s not much but it was made with tons of love.
We get my son presents from Santa, but even then, it’s not a whole lot.
Thank you for sharing this.
I adore you for this. Our family is in such a cool place right now. My hubs and I are so broken for the hurting in this world. Instead of buying tons of gifts for our daughter this year, we bought her one thing and sponsored a baby born the same day as her. She may not understand it yet, but I hope that someday it will mean the world to hear. I heard a quote recently that rocked me to my core – “Gratitude is the starting point of generosity”. It’s not until we are truly grateful for what we have that we can become generous. I’m praying that my family this year will learn what true gratitude is, and that this Christmas to us is about giving back and not “getting”.
I want to give you a big hug. Praying that your family is so incredibly touched by your generosity.
Excellent! We had already had the plans in motion for this year, but we had decided about 2wks ago that next year will be different. Our 7yo actually came up with our family motto next year: to GIVE more than we RECEIVE. We’ll be making gifts … or buying SMALL things … and giving the rest away. For Christmas and each of our birthdays. Just something we feel He’s leading us to do. The consumerism drives me absolutely batty … it’ll feel good to actually stand up to it for once. :-)