the never-ever-thought-i’d-says

{This kid, man. He keeps me on my toes.}

We don’t lick the computer.

No, there’s no Daddy milk in Daddy’s nipples.

Please keep your finger out of your bottom.

Pearl doesn’t like it when you use your hammer on her.

You’re right, if you went outside without pants on, your pee pee would get cold.

There’s corn in your poopy because when we eat things they go into our tummy and then out of our bottoms.

We don’t drop our boogers on the floor. Go get a kleenex and wipe it up, please.

Well if you lift up the potty like that and there’s pee in it, it’s going to spill.

No, that’s not Mommy’s diaper. Now please leave the bathroom and give me privacy.

27 Responses to “the never-ever-thought-i’d-says”

  1. Sarah Robbins

    Ha! I did a post like this last week.

    “Debby please don’t eat the carpet.”

    “No, Daisy, I don’t know why God made poop smell so yucky but yes you can pray and ask him to make it smell like flowers. I agree, that would be nicer.”

    Being a mom is pretty awesome!

  2. justnotthatmom

    OMG! That was the funniest thing ever. I can totally relate. It never stops either. My 7 year old STILL asks lots of questions and still needs a lot of “redirection” lol. (even my 13 year old does soemtimes). :-)

  3. sidnie

    My favorite (least favorite?) is the “No, that’s not Mommy’s diaper.” one.
    It kills me every time I have to say it.
    And to think- we’re moms of boys.
    I’d almost think that one would be easier for moms of girls. Maybe?

  4. Jessica

    Thanks for the LOL…. my favorite from my life last week was “No you may not have a bite of Mommy’s tampon, just because its in a wrapper does not mean its a snack.” Oy…

  5. Jen Strunk

    I have to laugh at the mommy wearing a diaper comment.. I am the mom of three girls, and I will tell you when they are 6, 4, and 2, it is not easier! :) ha… ha.. It is still hard to explain to them at that age, or maybe I am not quite ready? I just tell them it is mommy stuff.

  6. rachel

    my 3 year old has started picking up tampons (unused that he finds stuffed in my purse or the diaper bag) and opening them and putting them on his behind over his close saying that they go in moms butt. yeah, that’s nice. especially when he says it to other people besides mom. (and of course i say they don’t go in moms butt and drop it at that.) just wait, i’m sure the day is coming where you will be saying either “please don’t touch obrother with your pee pee” or “that’s obrothers pee pee and you shouldn’t touch it” or both. the joys of little boys.
    my son also drinks out of the dogs bowl every chance he gets. why do they want to do this?

    • Molly

      My 2 year old calls my tampons “snacks” for some weird reason and runs around the house waving them through the air. So one night we had company over and she said, “I want a snack!” So I go into the kitchen and make her a snack, right? It’s not brain surgery…but oh no. She wanted her “snacks.” So she says, “No Mama my special snacks! I go get them.” So she disappears and returns with two handfulls of tampons.
      That wasn’t mortifying at all.

  7. The Tadey (Lisa B)

    I only have one boy, and he’s still little… but if I have to remind my daughters (10,7,3) that we don’t have to “water” our ‘parts’ with a tea pot in the bath ONE MORE TIME I think my husband is going to move out.

  8. Ryley

    (can I be the first to point out the “We Speak Photography”????? Is this the new venture you spoke of earlier????)

    Oh.. and I have nothing to add because my son is an angel!! HA!!!! (And you’re the only one that knows he’s not!) :)

  9. Jenny

    Oh friend who I’ve never met, I can relate! Apparently I have asked for privacy during that time of the month more than i realized. Why, you ask? Because I asked my 4 yr old for privacy and instead of leaving he bathroom, he reached for the vanity cabinet and asks oh so sincerely, “do you need blue privacy or purple privacy?”

  10. Rin

    bahah oh that just near made my day.
    I’m looking forward to these moments.

    Might I just add I was so stoked for you reading yesterdays post. 1/2 marathon? You are amazing.

  11. Janelle W.

    Overheard in an Edfu, Egypt bathroom: “Mommy doesn’t want to cuddle while she’s peeing.”

  12. Erin

    Thanks for the laugh this a.m., Allison! I, too, look forward to reflecting on what comes out of my mouth one of these days.


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