26

put a squirrel on it.

Remember when a robin made its way into our living room via our chimney? Well, about 2 weeks ago I heard sounds in our chimney again, and told DanO that I thought maybe there was another bird. Thankfully, it wasn’t like the first time where the chirping and the proximity of the scratching noises made the bird’s presence undeniable. This time there were no chirps and the sound of movement seemed to come and go so much so that I forgot about it.

One day last week I was standing outside our front door bringing in groceries when a grey squirrel started clicking and yelling at me from my roof like it owned the place. It was comical, really, a rodent defending my house. Silly squirrel.

This morning when I made eye contact with the grey squirrel standing on my kitchen table, I was not laughing anymore.

Is this just my lot in life? To have various wild creatures invade my home?

I called DanO at work. “There’s a squirrel in the kitchen.”

“Der a quirrel in da kitchen Mommy?!!?” The two year old had overheard and the secret was out (thankfully like last time, OBrother was napping for the whole shebang). I spent the 5 minutes between the phone call and DanO’s arrival holding OBoy close to me and telling him that we would have to wait until Daddy was home to go meet the squirrel in the kitchen.

My life is so weird.

Also, can I point out here that we have a dog yet I was the one who noticed the squirrel? I’d say she’s not worth her weight in hunting abilities, but she only weighs 5lbs, so I guess maybe that’s about right.

By the time DanO got here, I had heard the sound of scratchy running on the stairs going down into the basement, so we started the search there. Our basement is something of a disaster, which was pro and con. Pro, we had zero guilt about recklessly shoving things out of the way to get to the squirrel, con, there were eleventy bajillion different places for the squirrel to hide.

A few frantic appearances, some walking up the walls, and lots of clicking/yelling later, we had him cornered. Speaking of that 5lb dog, her travel crate came in very handy at this point. Using towels and boxes, we gave the squirrel one escape route from his corner: the crate.

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Victory is ours! You can imagine why I don’t have nearly as many pictures of this wildlife wrangling session as I did of the bird. Squirrels are crazy, yo.

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In the foreground: the squirrel we found in our house. In the background: the bananas on my kitchen table.

Our toddler had stayed safely in the living room for the hunt, but was pretty excited about the result. “We hab new doggie now? We hab little quirrel doggie?”

(S sounds on the beginning of words are hard.)

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After a phone call to animal control for some advice, it was decided that this evening we will be taking a family trip out to a state park at least 10 miles away and on the other side of a body of water to release him.

Which means that OBoy, OBrother, Coconut (which OBoy named our new furry friend) and I will be staring at each other all afternoon.

Friends and readers (who are friends I just haven’t met yet), Coconut. Coconut, meet my friends and readers.

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My life is so weird.

26 Responses to “put a squirrel on it.”

  1. elizabeth

    this is hilarious! only not. i would’ve freaked out. you seemed to have handled it better than i would have! and i love OBoy’s statement about having new squirrel doggies. J would’ve said something similar, i’m sure! :) oh, and he has the S sound down, but for some reason L is still W and certain things sound hilarious. my current favorite: pharaoh, which sounds like “phil.” ;)

    Reply
  2. Erika

    Oh my gosh! This would be Ollie’s dream come true….a squirrel of his very own! Too funny! Seriously, how do these things happen to you?! Ha!

    Reply
  3. Kacia @Coconut Robot

    Gahahahahaha. You poor thing! I’m just happy 1. danO could come home! 2. You have a small dog = small crate 3. You caught him!

    Now praying that he never finds his way “home” again!

    Reply
  4. maggie

    hilarious! my grandparents once had a squirrel come down their chimney ‘christmas vacation’ style and my grandpa had to corner it in a bathroom hamper, after my grandmother disoriented the poor little guy by spraying RAID in his face (don’t worry, the squirrel thought it was a snack!). of all the stories my grandma tells (and she’s got some gems) hearing her recount this one is always my favorite.

    Reply
  5. Nicci @ Changing the Universe

    My MIL HATES squirrels so much! She calls them “naughty rodents” so often that when my niece was about 2, she started calling them “naughties!” As in, “Look Grandma!! There’s a Naughty in the tree! Get it! Get it!!” We’ve called them Naughties ever since :)

    A Naughty in her kitchen would have just about been the end of her, haha!!

    Reply
  6. Caitlin MidAtlantic

    I would have died. Then fled the house screaming. Died again. Called 911. Died some more. And then hired one of those crime scene cleaning crews to gut my house.

    Reply
  7. mrsl

    First, I’m so sorry you’ve had more than your share of wrangling wildlife! We’ve had four bats in our house :::still suddering::: in the three years we’ve lived here, but thankfully none since my daughter was born. (knock-on-wood) Second, the way this is written had me laughing the whole time. Here’s to an uneventful weekend for the O Family!

    Reply
  8. R's Mom

    Wow! You just gave me a much-needed chuckle in the middle of an otherwise stressful day! I had a chipmunk in my house one time, but that’s as close I can get to your indoor wildlife adventures!

    Reply
  9. Katie

    Funny story. My 2yo also cannot say “s” sounds at the beginning of words. My husband recently got him a hockey stick, showed it to our son, then went to cut the top off and tape it up (apparently this is what you do to hockey sticks, I don’t know). My son then came running to me with tears in his eyes, “mom, dad cut my dick off!!!” stick=dick. I died laughing.

    Reply
  10. Kelly

    OH NO!!! This is hilarious….but I completely understand where you are coming from! We also live in the TC and last winter, baby flying squirrels made it into the house (and managed to grow up)….I started screaming one Sunday after coming home from church when a flying squirrel came gliding down the stairs at me!

    Reply
  11. Jill

    We had a squirrel come into our kitchen last year…hubby got home from taking our son to school and found a furry tail hanging out of the kitchen fan vent in the ceiling. Called the Community Service Officer for the police and they had no luck in luring the squirrel out…He pulled his tail in and settled into the vent. I went home and helped hubby tape up a BUNCH of cardboard slabs to keep the squirrel in the vent. Later that day, I dropped off my teenage daughter after school and told her not to worry about the cardboard on the kitchen ceiling…I made it halfway down the driveway to screams coming from her…”THERE’S A SQUIRREL IN THE HOUSE!” I called hubby, who was in the bedroom sleeping (he works 3rd shift) and found her outside…hubby said, “call the police!” I did, and was being connected to the local dispatch when hubby opened the door and the squirrel came charging out at me…I screamed and handed him the phone… and then tried to explain that I was fine, really, just fine, it was just a squirrel that I was screaming at…not him. Thankfully, they had the call on our address from that morning, so the squirrel excuse seemed legitimate. Sigh…

    Reply
  12. Missy Rose

    That’s hilarious and awful at the same time! I hope once you drop off Coconut tonight you never have to see him in your kitchen again!

    Reply
  13. Julie

    Nice to meet you coconut! A couple years ago we had a squirrel fall down the pipe that leads to our dryer vent. My husband who is usually a brave manly man was like I am not finding out what is in there. He said he would take care of it at the end of the day. I came home to find a squirrel terrorizing the master bedroom. I quickly shut the bedroom door. I ran to my computer and got on Facebook to be all oh my gosh there is a squirrel in my house! I looked up from the computer and the squirrel was staring at me from the family room. Apparently they can squeeze under doors. I jumped up on my chair and called my husband to get home now! My sister, who isn’t afraid of much, showed up while this was happening and calmly chased it out the front door with a broom. I was freaked out for days! OBoy is so cute! My kids would still be having nightmares had they been home to witness the squirrel drama! Glad you got it taken care of!

    Reply
  14. Kallysa

    I love this. We don’t have squirrels in nz! We have possums though which you would not want to come down your chimmey!

    Reply
  15. TheNextMartha

    Hilarious. We had a cat bring a chipmunk into our house once. And the squirrel doggie comment from your son? Dead.

    Reply
  16. nicole

    Oh my! I probably would not have been so calm if I happened on a squirrel on my table. Aren’t squirrels known to be kind of gross? Good for y’all being all humane about catching him and relocating him.

    Reply
  17. Sarah-Anne

    AHAHAHA. priceless. there is something so creepy about how you can’t look away from a squirrel once you’ve made eye contact.

    Reply
  18. Laura P

    I can totally relate! Last summer we had a squirrel who chewed through our screen porch door and was foun din our kitchen when we got home from church. My husband used his lacross stick to chase the darn thing out. We battled the squirrel for at least a month prior to finally using a have a heart trap to catch him and have our land lord release him on his property 30 minutes away.

    Reply
  19. meg @ oursomethingnew

    O my goodness! I’m glad that you caught that little guy! That happened to us once when we were growing up – it tried to gnaw through the window frame to get out and was totally destructive. I love that picture of OBoy meeting the squirrel – adorable!

    Reply

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