23

I want to miss it all

IMG_20120404_075828.jpg

The boys wrestling with their daddy on the rug.

The “hold my hand, Mommy” as we go down stairs every morning.

The way my oldest whispers to his baby brother as they fall asleep at night.

The “Mamamamama” jabber as the baby reaches for my face.

The laughter at the dinner table.

I know I will miss these things when they are grown because I feel the swelling these moments make in my heart. When these moments are gone, I will feel the space they will have left.

But the $4 of spilled blackberries.

The whining and pulling at my pants.

The learning (and learning, and learning, and learning…) to share.

The semi-comedic circus to get everyone out the door.

The constant questions. (O, sweet mercy! The questions!)

I want to miss these moments, too. I want to treasure them for what they are – fleeting. But with my current perspective, these moments aren’t expanding my heart. They are annoyances to me. Isn’t that the strangest thing? How does it happen that my children learning and needing me has become, in my eyes, a burden?

O, let it not be so.

I want God-eyes to see the preciousness in my near-three-year-old’s efforts to put away the berries himself. The connection OBrother and I have formed that makes him so long to be close to me. The foundation for the future of my boys’ friendship which we are laying now, on the floor of the playroom as they learn to share. The excitement that awaits us on the other side of that front door. The curiosity and learning spirit of  OBoy.

I want to see those beautiful sides of these imperfect moments. I want my heart to expand at the blessings, not shrink and harden at the burden. I want these moments to grow and stretch me so that when they’re over – even the messy ones – my heart feels their absence and remembers them with fondness.

May I see the God-breathed beauty in every moment and may I miss them when they’re gone.

23 Responses to “I want to miss it all”

  1. Crystal

    I think this is the first time I have ever commented although I’ve been a reader for some time now. This makes me shed a few tears because you said so perfectly how I feel about my little guy. Very touching – and it’s so nice to know there are other Moms out there that feel the same way. P.S. the tears could possibly be the pregnancy hormones ;)

    Reply
  2. Amanda

    Amen. I was doing the dishes with baby in the moby this weekend, feeling overwhelmed. Then I realized how blessed I am to have a baby to carry, dishes to wash, water to wash with… Even the things we see now as burdens are gifts. Beautiful.

    Reply
  3. molly

    Oh, yes. I feel the same way sometimes. I wrote some days ago about how my children have become annoyances in the morning while I’m trying to get ready for work and how I need to STOP feeling like that. They want and need me and I should be happy for that! I want to appreciate exactly who they are.

    Reply
  4. Tiffany @MomNom

    You’re not alone in this. I have to remind myself daily to let them be little. I find that I too often want them to be “bigger” than they actually are in their thoughts and actions. Even though no part of me wants them to grow up. It’s a strange combination. And more importantly, I have to remind myself to live in those moments, before they are just memories.

    Reply
  5. Elaine

    I’m not sure if you or I will “miss” those not-so-great moments but I know I’ll be laughing about them and yes, appreciating that they were all there due to the fact that I have a beautiful family and love surrounding me, God willing.

    Good reminders Allison…

    Reply
  6. Sarah

    Beautifully put! Brought tears to my eyes and a yearing to my heart to run home and spend the day with my princesses….I especially love the “whispers as they fall asleep” – my girls do that and it is the sweetest noise I have EVER heard! (they are 4 and 1, so they aren’t so much whispers, but sweet none-the-same).

    Reply
  7. Kelly @ Love Well

    It’s so hard, isn’t it? I don’t want to wish the years away. But sometimes, I wish the days away. It’s a constant struggle to find where I should be.

    Reply
  8. Emily

    i never really comment but this is a beautiful post. i think there are many of us in the same boat.

    Reply
  9. Sarah P.

    I think God put those words in your heart today because He knew that in a small Ohio town there was a mama on the verge of tears who needed this encouragement this morning. Thank you. The obstinate three year old and fussy teething 6 month old are the joys of my heart, light of my life, and bane of my existence all at the same time. How is that even possible? Thank you so much for reminding me to cherish every moment.

    Reply
  10. Steph

    I constantly struggle with feeling like my son is a burden and not a blessing. Thank you for posting this!

    Reply
  11. Ashley D.

    “…the joys of my heart, light of my life, and bane of my existence all at the same time.”

    Exactly! Its so hard not to give in to their adorable, yet mischievous ways…especially after you have told your 13mo old NOT to climb the stairs for the 20 somethingith time in an hour! And when I catch her doing it again and ask what she thinks she’s doing… She shrugs her little shoulders, gives me a big grin, and then charges forward up the stairs.

    Lord help me; I love her.

    Reply
  12. Tiffany

    O dear Allison. As a mother of 18 and 21 year old boys, I assures you, you will miss it. :)

    Reply
  13. Kristy

    Allison, I always appreciate your honesty. You truly make me feel better as a parent knowing I am not alone. My almost 14 year old is going to be gone a lot of the summer, and I am honestly counting down the days. Last night, I fel guilty about that. I felt guilty that I was happy to be away from him all weekend long just spending time with my seven year old. I was happy to not have to argue with him. I do know though, that when he is gone, I am going to miss him SO much. No matter how crazy he makes me, he will always have my heart. You are a wonderful mother, with very normal feelings. :-)

    Reply
  14. Jacquelyn

    YES! perfectly spoken my friend.

    Yesterday in service our Pastor (also worship leader) read a scripture ……

    the popular “love is patient, love is kind” ….. only in the translation she was reading from it said that love is not irritable.
    She repeated that sentence twice ;) and when I heard that word, irritable, I heard a whisper in my spirit.

    Recently, I have often heard the Lord whispering to me when I feel like I can not take one more question, one more request, one more “mommy can i have ….”

    the whisper is a reminder to be gentle with their little hearts. To love like Jesus and not be so irritable.

    I struggle daily and I thank you Allison, for whispering into my spirit! To encourage others is to put courage into them, and that is honorable, and it’s a gift. :)

    Happy Monday to You!

    Reply
  15. Elise

    Amen, sister. This reminds me of a Dave Barnes song that speaks the same truths to my heart:

    We will have hope
    We will have doubt
    There will be memories we could never live without
    We will have tears
    But there will be grace
    There will be prayers that we never thought we’d pray

    Amen
    Amen
    With the dawn, we all begin again
    Amen
    Amen
    What is done, and yet to come
    Amen

    Reply
  16. Ana

    This post really hit home…. That’s exactly how I want to feel with my kids… Ive been getting angrier and angrier at them recently but now Ill try to see it all from this perspective… thanks for this!

    Reply
  17. Jesse

    I’ve been reading and loving your blog for a while, but never commented before…now I will have to…with my two little loves (being around the same age as your sweet boys) this is just what I needed to hear/read right now…so very true and beautifully and touching written. Thank you so much for this post and your honesty Allison.
    Lots of hugs from Germany,
    Jesse

    Reply

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>