it’s good that I’m quiet, promise.

boys and baby on my lap

The boys are currently sliding blocks under the couch, giggling hysterically, and coming up with ways to get them out {“Use this book, Ikey!” “No, my use DIS book, My-kah.”}. The baby is upstairs sleeping, but she will be woken up in 20 minutes because we are headed to the YMCA. I’m sneaking in a few minutes to wave ::hi!!!:: and to share that life is the fullest, busiest, and awesomest it has ever been for O My Family.

My quietness here is partially a product of having so very many small people to take care of, but it is also, beautifully, the product of taking care of myself. I am running an average of 15 miles a week, have been voraciously reading young adult fiction novels, and am intentionally getting out of the house for playdates or coffee dates nearly every single day. In all of this time and thought put toward my own self-care, writing and blogging has not come to mind as a desire of mine. I cannot put a finger on it. Part of me wonders if it is an unidentified fear – of what people think, of not being [good, knowledgable, funny] enough, of (vulnerable honesty coming up:) not having as “big” of a blog as I once had.

O, sorry, did your eyes just roll all the way back in your head? Because mine sure did.

So many things are going well for us here. The boys are head-over-chubby-toddler-heels in love with their baby sister. ODear is far and away the easiest baby we have had. DanO’s company is taking off and I get to watch him turn his passion into success. There is room in my life to take care of my own body and mind. And yet when I sit down to write and share here, there is a sudden deafening silence between my ears.

If we were sitting at a coffee shop, like I did with my friend Leah this week, I could talk your ear off. We would get into the realities of mothering, the difficulties of living in community, the shining glory of adoption. We would hash it all out, and that’s how this ‘lil blog used to be for me. Just a few readers who are friends I just haven’t met yet and myself, chatting it up about life.

I’m not ready to give up on that yet. I have gained so much from you, friends, and I don’t want this little space to float away into the ether of the interwebs. Not yet. I still need this community to tell me that it’s ok that I’m now shopping in the kid’s section for clothes for my first baby ::sob sob sob:: and to giggle with about the time yesterday when I bent over to wipe the tuckus of one child while holding another child in my other arm. I’m going to exercise this muscle a bit, see if I can work out the knots and maybe we can get back to having good chats around these parts more often.

I’m still here. I’m quiet, yes, but I’m good. It’s good.

And you? Are you still here? Are y’all good? I sure do miss you friends.

24 Responses to “it’s good that I’m quiet, promise.”

  1. Kelly

    This makes me happy, and it makes me think, and it helps me breathe, and I am so glad you stopped in to chat, because life in all its normalcy is the wonderful source of all the chatting on the blogs, and this is the kind of content that helps give me perspective on mine. Thanks for being you here today. It is pretty much perfect.

  2. Megan (FriedOkra)

    I can relate to everything you’re feeling. Take your time, enjoy life, and know that when/if you come back, everyone who loves you will be right here waiting. xxx

  3. Jen

    Just have to say it’s great to hear from you! I found your birth story about ODear’s birth shortly before the birth of my first baby (a girl!) and it was so inspiring — and then I had my baby girl in 10 minutes! It was amazing. So keep on posting, whenever you get a chance, because you’re inspiring new people every day. :)

  4. Tiffany MomNom

    I’m here! I love getting your updates, regardless of how often. Love that beautiful blond family, someday we’ll hug it out.

  5. Jenna

    So good to hear from you! So happy to hear all is well and you are taking such amazing care of yourself!! Totally understandable where you’re at with your blog. You’ve just had a huge change in your life with baby #3. I’m sure time will reveal the plans/purposes/future of your blog. Even if you were to take a sabbatical, that doesn’t have to be permanent but just where you’re at in life now. Your time and your needs are different now. Continued blessings on you and your family.

  6. Erin

    Yup still here! So happy to hear all is well, though I get that from IG too (what would we do w/I Instagram!!?) reading your blog or a few others is like having a quick talk with that friend that talks to that perfect spot in your soul that needs some attention. Whatever, whenever, your words matter! I only wish I could reciprocate!

  7. Christa

    Still here and so glad you are too! I am happy you are taking care of yourself and your family. I love Instagram updates too. Keep enjoying your beautiful life.

  8. Megan

    So good to read your voice in this space and love hearing the happiness in it :-) But glad to hve IG to keep up with you and the beautful kids. Keep up all the good!!!

    • Megan

      Plus…if this space got too quiet, I would have to find a way to become a friend-from-Chicago instead of a friend-you-haven’t-met-yet ;-)

  9. Samantha

    Yes, still here and missing your internet presence! Although I can relate to your lack of interest in blogging and bigger interest in real life connections.. I think it’s this season we are in, and I kind of dig it. If we lived close, I would definitely be wanting to get together for coffee dates and please-don’t-judge-the-legos-all-over-my-floor playdates.

  10. Jenny

    I think that there’s something unapologetically blog-killing about a third child. :) not a hard fast rule but life gets different enough and familiar enough and busy enough to not need the blog so much. At least that was my experience. Glad that life is good. :)

  11. Kristy

    I follow you on Twiiter so I don’t feel like we’ve been apart! Good job taking care of yourself! :-)

  12. Andrea @ HMRM.

    I don’t ‘know’ you, but I’ve been reading here for years. This made me really proud of you – not everyone can step away and take time to them selves. I’m glad things are good for you. Enjoy it! We’ll all be here when the desire comes up again (or at least I will – ha!).

  13. martha brady

    you don’t need to apologize for living a normal life, taking good care of yourself and your children and blogging less. the IRL relationships are the best! those are the ones you need to have. online friends are good for sure, but i treasure the friends i had when i was having babies and had toddlers! there was a special bond we had as we were learning to grow up together.

    those relationships formed face to face, eyeball to eyeball…where you can’t hide anything. where you are seen everyday or at least quite often. these are the ones with some built-in accountability. these will be your lifelong friends.

    i didn’t have blogs or computers or any of this stuff when my kids were little. it was good. it was rich. but we still had our bad days too.

    we didn’t have blogs telling us how to live perfect lives or have perfect homes or be perfect spouses or parents. fortunately, most of us managed to find friends who helped us realize that just wasn’t possible…not in this life.

    enjoy the babies, and your IRL friends. take care of yourself and your family…and, if there happens to be a touch of time left over…and you have a few words to say…make a few comments here. that will be good too:)

  14. Lynzie

    We are here, and I know I will continue to be here. It’s a good thing to hear you are busy having a life and thus not so much time to write or think of what to write. It’s like those who don’t take pictures because they are too busy experiencing the moments. I love hearing your stories and every now and then piping in with opinions on discussions. Congrats on where you are in life and the happiness you and your family have found.

  15. Charlotte

    Allison, you probably don’t remember me, but I wrote you an email a few years ago after following your blog for a few months and then figuring out you went to Wheaton college. I think I was just moving to Wheaton then. Whenever I meet someone who went to Wheaton I always ask if they know you (I haven’t had any luck yet though). Anyways, I still check your blog all the time to see how things are going. I love how encouraging you are, and your kids are so adorable, seeing pictures of them makes me smile. I am so glad you are doing well as a mom of three!


  16. Casey

    still here! I love following you on IG and was thrilled to see you post on here! Take your time. Do what’s good for you and your family. What’s the point if you writing for someone else? I have the three kiddos as well (little one is just 2 months) so no judgments here. If all is well then that’s all that matters. Everything else is just gravy :)

  17. Caroline

    I see your updates on IG and am envious of the time and space you have found to excercise. My camera was out of action for 3 weeks recently and I couldn’t blog and I found myself reading, knitting and sewing more even though I would normally blog about these things it was nice to just let it all go. I will say I really miss your voice in the blog world and I always think what you have to say is interesting – even the everyday stuff! So I really hope at some point there is a little space for writing because reading your words is my ‘me time!

  18. Sarah K.

    Love this update! and I love following you on IG. You are an inspiration for me to take care of myself better-I want to be a stronger, fit-er mama like you! In fact, it is what’s in our kids best interest, don’t ya think? (sgkajander on IG) xo


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